What's that hip hop song that says It's been a long time... I shouldn't have left you... I am pretty sure it is from Aliyah! Anyway, I feel like I have been gone forever and I guess it has been 3 months... and sadly, I don't really have much to report- my weight is the same damned number I have listed in my sidebar... I sure as hell am not 210 which was my goal for June- very ambitious goals I must say. I am so disappointed in myself which I think is why I am back here. Before when I wrote here, I tried to imagine myself having my blog be so popular because I was a weightloss hero but now, I am doing it solely for me... I have a written journal as well but just as there is something soothing to me about handwriting my thoughts and feelings in my journal, I get the same feeling from typing and seeing it in a website.
Moving on, I weigh 255 pounds and I am depressed by it. My husband has noticed and he even told me I would probably feel better and less stressed once I lost some weight- and believe me, he loves me just the way I am. But he is right damn it. And just the last week or two, I have noticed myself becoming very anxious about my weight... how I am failing, how my body feels, the way I look and even the way my clothes fit. I am not by any means saying that my life will do a 180 and be so much better if I lost weight but I do believe that losing weight is almost like a puzzle and it really is an accomplishment when all of the pieces come together; the pieces including but not limited to: better body image, healthier habits, better & healthier feeling, more active (ability to go out and enjoy doing more things), more energy, more confidence, cuter clothes (and cheaper in case you never noticed that they raise the prices on bigger sizes).
So tonight, I am feeling especially disappointed in myself and really wanting chocolate covered raisins even though I am not at all hungry. I have weigh in tomorrow as I started the Biggest Loser competition at work... and I think I am one of the biggest gainers- even more depressing. I send out motivational emails, encourage everyone participating and yet I don't take my own advice- did I mention the word depressing?
My final words for the evening: I don't know why I am holding myself back.
Moving on, I weigh 255 pounds and I am depressed by it. My husband has noticed and he even told me I would probably feel better and less stressed once I lost some weight- and believe me, he loves me just the way I am. But he is right damn it. And just the last week or two, I have noticed myself becoming very anxious about my weight... how I am failing, how my body feels, the way I look and even the way my clothes fit. I am not by any means saying that my life will do a 180 and be so much better if I lost weight but I do believe that losing weight is almost like a puzzle and it really is an accomplishment when all of the pieces come together; the pieces including but not limited to: better body image, healthier habits, better & healthier feeling, more active (ability to go out and enjoy doing more things), more energy, more confidence, cuter clothes (and cheaper in case you never noticed that they raise the prices on bigger sizes).
So tonight, I am feeling especially disappointed in myself and really wanting chocolate covered raisins even though I am not at all hungry. I have weigh in tomorrow as I started the Biggest Loser competition at work... and I think I am one of the biggest gainers- even more depressing. I send out motivational emails, encourage everyone participating and yet I don't take my own advice- did I mention the word depressing?
My final words for the evening: I don't know why I am holding myself back.
posted by Tiff @ 6:27 PM
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