UGH

'Nuff said. So I have acknowledged that I am fat but what in the world is wrong with me??? I just read Jackie's post and I can totally relate on so many levels. She is talking about her eating and her weight gain... ummm, I can totally relate. What the f***? I have been eating out of control the last few days and it is not just my imagination. You want to know what the biggest vice has been? Chocolate covered raisins. I specifically went to the store today in order to get some... how awful is that? And the worst thing is that I got a lot of them in order to last me a while. I can claim to have gotten out a couple of times so far this week for some pretty good walking but that whole calories in, calories out thing won't work if I think of what I've eaten compared to the calories that I am expelling... and I don't have a clue what is triggering this. Perhaps I really am an emotional eater. I know I am totally stressed about having to leave my little man with some stranger while I go back to work- this is probably the top of my list of things that have me stressed so that could be it. But ack! Usually when I am stressed I lose my appetite... of course I also know that I have been letting myself get too hungry in the morning before I actually sit down and eat which will change when I go back to work- whew! One of the good things about going back is I will be able to structure my eating habits better... I wish I had a friend who was losing weight and doing a good job of it because, no kidding, the competitive side of me would totally jump on that wagon! Isn't that a crying shame as I am not competitive all of the time but I know that is part of the reason I lost weight while I was in college... hmm.

Anyhoo, let's just say for now how frustrated I am at myself. I can't figure out why I am being so lazy with myself, I am disappointed in myself and I really have no excuse for any of it. Shame on me... I ought to go read some success stories or something somewhere to get me motivated (speaking of, a couple of years ago The Biggest Loser was a total motivator for me so that's something to look forward to as the new season is starting soon; a Loser from each state).