Losing and Finding My Way...

Biggest Loser!

2007-10-10T18:10:00.001-05:00

Improvement!

2007-10-08T18:04:00.000-05:00

So I weighed in and I was DOWN! Oh yes, you read right and my scale gave me a down arrow... the number read 254.4. Not too shabby... I still won't make it to goal which is my birthday this Thurday but at least I am closer as opposed to going up and that makes me happy. Official weigh in is in a couple of days and I am feeling good about it - and hoping nothing will come along to throw me off. I am going to go shopping with my mom and Thursday to buy a new pair of jeans for my birthday and I am also going to look for a dress for myself for the wedding Brad and I are going to on Saturday. YAY! I will have to take a picture and try to post it on here...
Another thing I am happy about is my belly seems to have shrunk - by this I mean I have been getting fuller faster so I am NOT eating as much. For example, we went to lunch today because I was training our new recruitment coordinator and we had a couple of sides first and I didn't eat that much but then was practically full when the entree comes. This is especially exciting for me because I have been to this 'place' before... I remember it well; where there was half the entree leftover, when I wasn't hungry for the rest of the day after my meal, when I lost pounds because I wasn't eating as much... it was a beautiful place and I am on my way there - YAHOO!!!
I am now going to try to figure out how to put music on my phone and think about heading up to the gym tonight since my husband has taken the baby to the mall with him...

MIA

2007-10-03T17:47:00.000-05:00

Yes, that's me... I have been missing in action go figure as today I am officially one week away from my first goal of being below 250 for my birthday. Let's just say I have had a rough couple of weeks have been lazy and my goal seems almost out of reach. On the bright side of things I weighed in at 256.4 this morning and I am on my period - where I usually weigh 3-4 pounds heavier - so I am hoping that estimate is right and that I have only about 3 pounds to lose between now and next Wednesday, fingers crossed.
I have been feeling better and pay A LOT more attention to when I am full so I have not been eating as big of portion sizes which also means I most definitely have not been going back for seconds and that is gratifying in itself. I remember from when I was in college that was how my weight loss started; I didn't eat as much. Sounds like simple math doesn't it :)
Aside from that, I don't really have too much to say but I did see this on a person's sparkpage while I was browsing around and I loved it so I will leave on this note:

Motivation for Weight Loss
M-make short term goals
O-out with the negative thoughts
T-think of why you want it
I-imagine how you will feel
V-visualize the future you
A-acknowledge your successes
T-treat yourself with respect
I-investigate new ideas and foods
O-observe your healthy lifestyle
N-never give up and never give in
S- support one another

HUMP day

2007-09-19T18:36:00.000-05:00

I weighed in this morning, 256, which sucks but I am responsible for my losses and gains and I know I haven't been concentrating. It is so bad that I get so motivated and then after a week at most, I get lazy... and then I get really lazy and I don't care, which means things get worse. Blegh.
I had to stop in the grocery store on my way home today to buy some sour cream for the tacos we were having for dinner; well I also wanted something salty and decided on potato chips- bad decision #1; they only had the big bags, which I got- bad decision #2; I ate and ate in the car on my way to pick up the monster- bad decision #3. Now I just feel like barfing not only because my stomach feels gross but also because I feel like it would make up for the fact that I ate it in the first place- I guess you would call that purge. Oh well, I only ate two small tacos which I guess is a good thing (even though I still feel like throwing up).
By the way, PastaQueen- my most favorite weight loss blog- has a wonderful post today on her blog... totally touched me.

It's Friday - Thank God!

2007-09-14T14:51:00.001-05:00

So this will probably be a quick note as I don't have too much to report and I have other things to do *sigh*
I feel like I have been doing really well; I haven't had the bloat I am used to so my belly has slimmed down some. I weighed in on Wednesday at work because we started the new Biggest Loser Competition- Holiday Party and I had lost a full five pounds which was really exciting for me. I am hoping to see a loss again this coming week. I didn't get a chance to work out this week like I was hoping but have full intentions to start this coming week so I am looking forward to that as I don't think it can hurt. I know that losing five pounds in one week is not typical (I feel like a tag line in some dieting commercial) but it gets me motivated to lose more and actually think I could possibly be at least thirty pounds lighter by my company's holiday party! Which makes me happy and has me already looking online for a cute dress to wear (and that is so not like me).
Tomorrow the hubby and I are going to Hersheypark which I am really looking forward to. I love riding the rides and stuff and it will be great exercise walking all over the park so that's a plus too. I will probably weigh in on Monday to check in and then Wednesdays are what count in my world so I am hoping for a two pound loss... we will see what happens!!!

Monday Morning. 'Nuff Said.

2007-09-10T07:24:00.000-05:00

I am trying to think about what I ate yesterday; I was so proud of myself for not getting a Milky Way when I was grocery shopping and then I ended up at the pharmacy and grocery store again that evening- tempted again. I always get myself something when I go to CVS but walked right down the candy aisle and NOTHING. Then at the grocery store, the Halloween candy is in full effect and I was so tempted to get a Kit Kat (or two, bad, I know). But I went to the deli to get what I needed and that was all she wrote- no more, no less. I had tomato soup and grilled ham and cheese sandwiches for dinner last night. I also had ice cream for dessert last night but it was Breyers Light Mint Chocolate Chip with some Hershey's chocolate syrup on top... it totally hit the spot and I didn't crave anything else.
I was also proud of myself- on Saturday morning I was craving (!!!) something to eat and didn't know what and I ended up having watermelon- yup, just watermelon :) So, all in all, I am making healthier conscious decisions- in my opinion- and paying more attention to when I am full...

How cute is this quote:
The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph! ~Marvin Phillips

Quick

2007-09-09T13:51:00.000-05:00

So I weighed in yesterday morning... I don't know why, but I just couldn't wait :) 254.2!!!! I was totally pumped; we even went hiking yesterday for an hour- in the 90 degree heat- and it made me feel even better. I had hot wings last night for dinner but I was okay with that because I didn't get all crazy with everything else- if that makes sense. My mind is right and I can tell because when I was at the grocery store today and considered getting a Milky Way candy bar as a snack for the ride home, I changed my mind and didn't consider it after that. And it felt good to turn it down, leave it in the store and I. Survived.
This week I am hoping to start working out and concentrating even more on good eating choices so yippee skippee and we are on our way!

Almost to the first FIVE...

2007-09-07T18:56:00.000-05:00

I couldn't help myself and I weighed in this morning... 255.2! Woohoo; so in less than two weeks I have lost almost four pounds so I am hoping that by next Wednesday, my official weigh-in day, that I will have lost five pounds or more! I am totally pumped and it makes me happy :) The bloat is so much less my belly is adjusting to better eating and I just feel proud of myself... like losing it this last week and a half and doing it consciously has been better motivation for me than I have had in a long time. And then, with Biggest Loser starting up this Tuesday and having my keys to the clinic to work out in the gym, I am in a no lose situation- the only way I can fail is if I let myself... and I can't and won't do that!
I had my doctor's appointment and I was talking to my nurse practitioner- who I have been seeing since I started going to the gynocologist- and was telling her that I wanted to lose a good amount of weight before getting pregnant again and I was talking to her about it and it just made the endeavor seem more real. I told her I was hoping to be around 180 or 190 for the next pregnancy and she said that's a goal but even a 10% loss is a big step... that's 26 pounds which would put me around 235 which is about what I weighed in at when I found out I was preggars with the monster. I would love to be 235 right now but next spring, I want to at least be in Onederland, for sure. And I can't think entirely about that goal right now because that's a total of 60 pounds to lose just to get to that point and I am much more content with be happy over a 4 pound loss!
If I do the math, and I continue to lose two pounds a week and I have 14 weeks from here til our Holiday Party, that would put at 227- my word! I couldn't imagine being that weight right now but it would be a lot of fun and more than 30 pounds lighter! I get excited just thinking about it which must be the reason I have only been able to eat one serving at most and why I had some watermelon for snack tonight and not ice cream like I had originally thought would be a good idea. *sigh* It will not be the easiest road, that's for sure but I am already on it and headed in the right direction so who am I to complain!!!

I. Have. Survived.

2007-09-04T12:55:00.000-05:00

So, overall I think I have done pretty well the last week or so- even over the holiday weekend. I can especially tell because my portion sizes are getting smaller and I am getting fuller faster. This morning I weighed in- no, it is not Wednesday but I was nervous because my period is starting- and I was 257… down .6 from the last time I weighed in and down 2.2 pounds from last Wednesday, which, in my book is awesome considering it is that time of the month. I have had hardly any chocolate and I am okay with that. Last Thursday there was cake in the kitchen at work and I turned down a piece; today I was offered a chocolate chip cookie and I turned it down!!! AND I SURVIVED!!! J I am not eating seconds and I am surviving… I am not eating lots of bad things and I am surviving. YAY! And I can totally tell in my body; the bloat in my belly is diminishing and I am slowly feeling my energy coming back- s.l.o.w.l.y.
I have my annual gyno appointment today and I know I will weigh more than I did the last time I was there which was six weeks after giving birth to the monster but I am looking forward to the next time they weigh me being at least around 180 (this is if everything sticks to plan and I end up getting pregnant next spring). Ideally I would love to be around 160 then but given that I only have about 8 months or so- that is quite a short amount of time to lose 100 pounds! On the plus side, I also received my keys to the clinic closest to my home today and I am excited and hope to start coming here to work out at least a couple of times a week in the evening…. That’s my plan! So, it can’t hurt the weight loss, right?
Anyway, I am surviving, have started the losing process (again) and am feeling good about where I am at and stronger with every temptation I turn down!

Starting Over... Again.

2007-08-27T05:44:00.000-05:00

I feeled compelled to write this right now, this morning... even though I know I have to get out of here sooner than later, I still have the little monster to get ready and then drop off at the sitter's and I am heading south. But here I am. I am starting over (again) this morning. I plan on tracking the food I eat and watching my portion sizes like a hawk. The lower card I can be the better, I think, but that doesn't necessarily mean I am cutting out all carbs or even necessarily doing it cold turkey- I am shooting for being carb smart. If that makes sense. I have been reading success stories online (one of my fave pasttimes) and seeing the before and after pictures... I want my own before and after picture. Our holiday party is December 14th and I would like to lose anywhere between 30 and 40 pounds by then which gives me a little over 3 and a half months. I feel committed this morning- like losing the weight will make me different... I want the energy that a lighter, more in shape and healthier body can give me- I am tired of feeling like a slug. I want to be able to run around with my baby and actually look forward to hikes with my husband. And honestly, I am so tired of seeing my big old belly pooching out it is making me sick. (I will get more into how this fat body is making me feel in a different post). Anyway, I have set my first big goal to have at least 30 pounds gone by December 14th; this morning I weighed in and am 259.2 - ugh. My first mini goal will be my birthday- October 10th- and I would like to have lost 10-15 pounds... which will put me under 250 :)
And yes, now I have to go get the monster ready to go... yippee skippee it is Monday... blegh.

Water & Water & Other Stuff

2007-08-22T18:15:00.000-05:00

I noticed today that I am not nearly drinking the amount of water that I should be or even that I want to. I remember that was one thing I was really good at when I was losing weight before; water and lots of it and nothing else. My standards have become so low- I will drink just about anything and everything... I don't do diet sodas so when I have a soda it is totally a full punch of empty calories, I hardly drink juice and haven't even thought to get myself some Crystal Light, and the last couple of days I have maybe had one- at most two- bottles of water... for a whopping total of 32 ounces... WTF!?!?! I would definitely say there is some room for improvement on this front.
On to other news- and forgive me if I babble- I gained a little more weight but am still back and forth between 255 and 260- which sucks. Obviously no one needs to hear me whine about it but I will anyway because I can. I hate to sound cliche but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. When you top it off that I am incredibly unhappy about my weight but also too lazy at this point to be doing anything about it, well, I just get more frustrated. I climb the stairs at work and I am so out of breath it is scary... again, I say, WTF?!?! I have my gyno appointment in a couple of weeks and how embarrassed will I be when I weigh in at more poundage than when I was in last time? Which was 6 weeks after giving birth to little man. It's disgusting, I know. I am disgusted with myself to say the least.
To add insult to injury- two things. 1) We had weigh-ins for the biggest loser at work and I am now 4 pounds above where I was when we started the damn competition... I am supposed to be losing, duh. The fact that there is money involved isn't even enough motivation for me. 2) I may have mentioned before by this coming spring I will have been graduated from high school for 10 years and I would like to look different i.e. weight-wise than I did when I graduated. I now weigh about the same if not a couple pounds more than I did when I graduated high school. So Sad. I am not dumb, I realize this is some sick irony considering when I came home from college I was 180 pounds- 80 pounds less than what I weigh right now. To top it off, I saw a pic of some girls I went to school with and they look great- I feel like everyone probably looks great right now compared to me *blegh* That image has stuck in my mind and I think, as terible as it is to day this, that could possibly be the motivation I need to get in shape. That's some twisted shit, I know, when you think that I could possibly be motivated by my health, my baby, my future... and so on. Urgh, it's a competition thing I think.
Anyhoo- as I wrap my brain around it, the whole idea of everything makes me sick and I want to lose weight and get in shape. Plus, somewhere in my head, aside from the fact that being active and healthy is a good thing, it is also glorified in my world- maybe because it is not common in neither my family or my husband's or even really around a lot of the people we know and associate with. So there you have, my diet motivation is to spite and compete with people who I haven't seen or talked to in nine years... HAHAHA. Sick.

Does your belly hang low?

2007-08-17T12:05:00.001-05:00

I can’t stop looking at my belly when I am in front of the mirror. It just hangs there… ugh. I hate it. I can’t believe I have let my body get to this point and still I am not full fledge doing something about it. It’s strange but I never thought I would like my legs more than my middle… I am still hoping to be forty pounds lighter by our Christmas party in the middle of December… and I can’t believe that will mean I will still be weighing in at 215-220 pounds- Holy Hannah! But either way that’s a whole let better than what I am weighing in at now plus I will be able to wear some of my pre-pregnancy clothes. And speaking of pregnancy, I have my doctor’s appointment coming up in a few weeks and I am going to be so embarrassed if I weigh more now than I did when I was last there, which was just 6 weeks after having the baby. We will see…
Oh well, I am looking forward to the weekend anyway. It’s supposed to be nice so maybe I will get out for some exercise and bring along the monster and hubby… that would be fun- a nice hike or something.

Thoughts for HUMP day

2007-08-15T08:18:00.000-05:00

Ack. I know that I haven’t been perfect when it comes to my diet- at this point, screw calling it a lifestyle change… it is a diet until further notice (I am guessing once it starts becoming a habit, I will then call it a lifestyle change in progress). Holy damn moly, my weight is going no where, and I am sick and tired of seeing the numbers 253 – 260; it is so frustrating and I truly think I have no one to blame but myself. I haven’t been very active and I did eat chocolate covered raisins both Sunday and Monday evenings. I think I am pissed off at myself and I don’t know how to get myself out of this rut. I have noticed though, which in my opinion is a good thing, I have become more conscious of the food decisions I am making – like I am aware of the bad decisions I am making, I am aware of when I am being lazy and I am also aware when I am making good decisions like food portion sizes and so on.
I was RE-reading my PEOPLE article of the women who had lost 100 pounds or more and I looked down and my naked body of blubber and I thought, how can my body go from this to looking like that? Don’t get me wrong these women in the article were by no means perfect but the fact that their bodies were just as fat as mine is now and they looked lovely… no bellies hanging, no arms the size of some people’s calves or thighs the size of some people’s waists… I can’t wait for it to be me but again, I know that is up to me.
I think that it is amazing that a body can go through a transformation like that but I also think it is amazing- for lack of a better word- the amount of effort, time and energy that has to go into getting it to make that kind of transformation. Ultimately, I want to be proud of the way I look, have my husband be proud of the way I look, I want to be healthy and I want to have tons of energy to be able to enjoy my life… I am hoping that seeing those words and then actually feeling them will give me that motivation to get moving (that and Biggest Loser starts in a few weeks- yippee).

I think the quote below kind of sums up how I am feeling/thinking at the moment:

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.

Wayne Dyer

Diet Motivation Secrets

2007-08-06T10:19:00.000-05:00

Below is an article I came across this morning at http://ezinearticles.com/?Diet-Motivation-Secrets&id=132783; I think it speaks to my earlier entry and feelings.

People are always looking for a way to lose weight without the pain and suffering of actually going on a diet and exercising. Well, unfortunately there is no such way to lose weight. But a person can achieve diet motivation.
Diet motivation is the desire and drive to eat smaller portions of healthier foods and exercise more frequently. While it is not an easy thing to achieve, it can be done with some tips and advice on dieting and motivational skills.
To get started on your diet motivation, you must first decide what your desired weight loss should be. This is where it gets tricky. The goal must be realistic and possible to obtain. If we set our weight loss goal at 50 pounds, yes it is a great plan, but not realistic for most of us.
If the goals are set too high, they are useless to our cause. If they can't be met then they are detrimental to our diet motivation. So, the goals that we set must be both, realistic and possible to reach. This goes for our exercise goals as well.
Don't set a goal for working out two hours every day. That would be great to be able to do that, however, it is really unlikely that the average person can do that and commit to it every day. As you reach your goals, you can then raise your standards and climb up as you go.
The foods that you eat will more than likely have to be altered as well. The key to success with any weight loss program is that you should expend more energy than your caloric intake. It is really that simple.
You do not have to deny yourself of everything that you enjoy eating. Just downsize the portions and eat these items in moderation. As a matter of fact, studies show that the people who do deprive themselves of their favorite foods, end up binging on those foods and going off their diets all together after time.
Again, you can have pretty much anything you want in the food group, just use common sense and eat less and exercise more to burn off any extra that you have eaten.
Diet motivation will become a habit in the same way that overeating becomes a habit. Your body will get used to the workouts and the healthy eating, and it will be come natural after time.
Think of the positives of obtaining diet motivation. You will feel better, you will look better and you will have more self discipline and will power. All those things combined are going to make a better you.

Body. Breaking. Under. Weight.

2007-08-06T09:59:00.000-05:00

Total. The title says it all… I have been starting to have pains in my foot whenever I sit for a while, it cramps up in a completely uncomfortable way and then takes a few minutes of walking on it to make it go away; the toilet seat is no longer comfortable (too much info I know but I feel like I did when I was preggo) like my hip got crampy while I was sitting on it the other night. I am becoming so frustrated… my body is not made to carry around 260 pounds; that’s right, I said 260 pounds. How awful is that? And I, no one else, am to blame. Bad, bad food choices… laziness- which I am attributing to my big old behind which I am attributing to my bad food choices. It seems like I have maybe one good food day and then five bad days. It is a vicious circle and it seems like it is an endless fight- me against me. I like food, I like to eat; I enjoy the taste of food and I like cooking it, smelling it so on and so forth… but that is no excuse. I also like when my body is healthy; I like having the energy to run around and do things- play outside, walk around the mall, clean my house- whatever. Don’t think I am not noticing the signs of my horrible habits… I am not kidding when I say I have become lazy. I am tired, sluggish and really don’t feel like doing anything when I get home but sitting on the couch… isn’t that awful? What kind of wife and mother am I or will I turn out to be if I keep this up? I don’t even know how my husband still finds me attractive with all of this extra weight… and my poor baby, I think he is already missing out on some of the fun stuff of life because I feel more like a lazy hermit than the outdoorsy person I want to be…
The worst part, I have realized that my co-worker who is doing the Biggest Loser competition ways less than I would if I cut my weight in half i.e. 260/2 = 130 and she weighs 122… granted she is a lot shorted than me and I wouldn’t want to weigh 130 as I feel I am far too curvy for that but come on… I am actually closer in weight to the co-worker who is going to have lap band done (she is around 315 I think) than I am to even my own goal weight.
I am disgusted in myself, in how I am letting myself be out of control and overall how I am letting all of this affect my life. I feel like I can’t handle things the way I should; I feel like it should be okay for my husband to be grossed out by me and more attracted to other women since I have let myself get this way (although God bless him he loves me for who I am and thinks I am the most beautiful thing coming and going). Finally, I feel like my life has come to a stop and I am no longer happy or having any fun and it is all my fault.
I understand that this post/ entry is kind of depressing but such is the state of my life at the moment; everything else is going well but this is like a dark cloud- a big dark cloud- hanging over me and I guess, at the same time, the proverbial road block that is stopping me from doing things. I have never been the type to think I couldn’t do something because of my weight but currently I definitely feel like it is in my way.

Now, above all that, another of my co-workers just informed me that she got on the scale this morning and finally got under the 200 mark; I can’t wait until I see that. But until then, I need to get my act together and at least get under the 250 mark which I have been close to but haven’t been to in any length of time for it to count for anything.

I want to feel smaller again; I want my belly to not be this pudge of flab hanging over my pubic area (not that it really hangs but it does droop a bit)… I don’t want a belly at all. I am not familiar with this body that I am in right now- it doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel comfortable, it is not the right fit for me. So, alas, I am starting again and hopefully this time for keeps; I don’t have a choice. I admit now that I know it won’t be easy and there are times when it won’t be fun but it is something I need to do and the goal will definitely be worth the trip.

Not as bad as I thought...

2007-07-11T18:39:00.000-05:00

So I was feeling a little better today until I let myself go... again. I did the weigh-ins this morning and everyone lost weight... including yours truly who lost 4 pounds since last Thursday; now if I could just keep it up :-) I was even feeling heavy too but I don't want it to go to my head, I want to keep losing so we will see.

I ate really well today all the way through lunch and then it went downhill from there... I had a little bag of chocolate covered raisins and then too many potatoes tonight at dinner. I feel almost sick to my belly which is no fun but I wasn't terrible either- I am most definitely a work in progress.

With the heat here, I probably sweated most of the weight off, haha! And I heard someone at work say today that the first 10 pounds lost is water weight- is there any truth to that? I am really curious...

2007-07-10T18:27:00.000-05:00

What's that hip hop song that says It's been a long time... I shouldn't have left you... I am pretty sure it is from Aliyah! Anyway, I feel like I have been gone forever and I guess it has been 3 months... and sadly, I don't really have much to report- my weight is the same damned number I have listed in my sidebar... I sure as hell am not 210 which was my goal for June- very ambitious goals I must say. I am so disappointed in myself which I think is why I am back here. Before when I wrote here, I tried to imagine myself having my blog be so popular because I was a weightloss hero but now, I am doing it solely for me... I have a written journal as well but just as there is something soothing to me about handwriting my thoughts and feelings in my journal, I get the same feeling from typing and seeing it in a website.
Moving on, I weigh 255 pounds and I am depressed by it. My husband has noticed and he even told me I would probably feel better and less stressed once I lost some weight- and believe me, he loves me just the way I am. But he is right damn it. And just the last week or two, I have noticed myself becoming very anxious about my weight... how I am failing, how my body feels, the way I look and even the way my clothes fit. I am not by any means saying that my life will do a 180 and be so much better if I lost weight but I do believe that losing weight is almost like a puzzle and it really is an accomplishment when all of the pieces come together; the pieces including but not limited to: better body image, healthier habits, better & healthier feeling, more active (ability to go out and enjoy doing more things), more energy, more confidence, cuter clothes (and cheaper in case you never noticed that they raise the prices on bigger sizes).
So tonight, I am feeling especially disappointed in myself and really wanting chocolate covered raisins even though I am not at all hungry. I have weigh in tomorrow as I started the Biggest Loser competition at work... and I think I am one of the biggest gainers- even more depressing. I send out motivational emails, encourage everyone participating and yet I don't take my own advice- did I mention the word depressing?
My final words for the evening: I don't know why I am holding myself back.

Catch Up

2007-04-06T06:31:00.000-05:00

Holy Moly! I cannot believe it has been a month and a half really, since I have written anything here. Things have been incredibly busy on my end but so much the better! I did get the job I had been interviewing for which is awesome! I love it and so far so good... I get a little bit more money, I am closer to home and it really is an awesome place to work... even the hubby has noticed how much I enjoy it which makes him happy. I have already been to Chicago for a week of training, meet & greets and just general getting to know my team- who are great. We came back to my last payout from my previous job, income tax return and hubby's bonus... not only was this awesome but also a huge blessing! We are now caught up on our bills and have enjoyed some of the money as well... unfortunately for me, when I am happy, I like to celebrate and I do it with food. So let's just say, the month of March has been HELL for me as far as weight loss goes... now, if I was going to win a medal for maintaining, or heck, even gaining that medal would definitely have my name on it. Not only have I been eating more but so much more and a lot of it was not healthy so here I am... beginning this week, I knew I had to get serious about getting back on the wagon, which I did with some success as I lost 2.5 pounds in the first two days- that just goes to show how unhealthily I had been eating- I relapsed yesterday but have climbed back on today. Heck, I can even tell I relapsed yesterday because the tummy is totally rebelling. So here we go again...

But I will say this, I was on the 3-day.org site because I had seen my aunt in one of their commercials so I wanted to send the commercial to my mom so that she could see too (my aunt passed away this past fall, she was a 9 year breast cancer survivor but unfortunately the cancer returned in her spine and she lost the 1.5 year battle due to infection). Well, they have this one clip called inspiration and half way thru I was bawling at the computer... all this before I went into work yesterday. But the video makes a person appreciate their health and it was very moving for me. It made me realize that by staying overweight, I am taking my health for granted which isn't fair to anyone, especially me... followed closely by my family. So the video entitled Inspiration has become my inspiration and I am even considering doing the walk this fall... what a great reason to get active & healthy!!!

I also read an article this morning called Why You Really Eat http://www.prevention.com/article/0,5778,s1-2-67-682-3558-1,00.html
What an awesome article. If anyone out there is an emotional eater, this is a short article that speaks to that and gives some tools on thinking your way out of it... I know I am going to give it a shot because I am an emotional eater, when I am stressed, bored, and happy... anyhoo- take a look at the article and let me know what you think!

So there's my catch up for the last month and a half but am looking forward to trying out the exercise from the article, which I will do here!!!

Bridesmaid dress

2007-02-19T09:51:00.000-05:00

Umm, so I picked up mine and my sister's bridesmaids dresses Saturday night; she stopped by yesterday in order to pick her's up and she tried it on...

***NOTE: If you recall, she and I both got dresses a couple of sizes smaller than what actually fit as motivation...

Her's 'fit' at least... as did mine to an extent. The worst fitting area on the dress was the bust area- OH MY! I mean, it was like there was no place for my humungous boobs to go... so that is definitely going to be a challenge. BUT, it is not just losing the weight from my chest, so to speak, it's also those pockets under my arms, like where the band of bra goes, it is my back, which is fat and has those awful back rolls, and it also that fat right under my shoulders but not my under arms... ahh, not sure if that last one made sense or not but anyone who has carried weight around probably knows what I am talking about, that roll of flab that if you're wearing anything with straps seems to pop out on the side when your arms are at your sides. I am hoping that the weight training I have been doing will help to combat some of this...

I am also enjoying SparkPeople a lot more... really getting into it and there is so much fun information on there plus I am proud of myself for sticking with my workouts and calorie tracking- although I do have to get more precise with that- and then reading the articles and such. I will admit, I love working out just so I can go onto SP to log my workout and get my points, the same with drinking water... I have drank at least eight glasses of water a day!!!

Update for the day

2007-02-15T15:47:00.000-05:00

Here is what I emailed my sister today as we are checking in with each other, buddying up if you will, to get in shape and lose weight:

Okay, so I did workout today and so far I did my strength training (cause I didn't do it yesterday) and even though I am scheduled to do it tomorrow I will do it on Saturday again which will get me back on track. And then I did 40 minutes on my Gazelle, totally rocking it out,I must say... I plan on doing my 20 minutes of Pilates when I get done putting the monster down for his nap...

I have drank 9 glasses of water so far and will probably have quite a bit more as I will drink before and after Pilates, with dinner and then at bedtime (at least). I had two scrambled eggs for breakfast and two pieces of toast, even though we are having breakfast for dinner. I should be able to enjoy dinner as I haven't used that many calories today.

Loss!!!!

2007-02-15T09:04:00.000-05:00

Happy belated Valentine's Day!!! I didn't have a chance to get on the computer yesterday but I did spend the day pretty lazy and not doing too much, although I did make sure I drank my water. Anyhoo, I weighed in at 251!!! Woohoo. So that makes a four pound loss... now, hopefully I can go below that and maybe next week's weigh-in will be under 250... finally. I have doing pretty good with working out and have been proud of myself about it. I will probably check back in later today as I can't think of too much to say right now.

Thoughts

2007-02-10T14:07:00.000-05:00

I weighed in this morning, I am not considering it an official weigh in or anything but I weighed in at 252, nonetheless... that's 3 pounds lower. I wonder what it will look like come Wednesday...

I also was messing around earlier because I am home all day and so I put in my weightloss goals on the sidebar. I realize my first goal is to be 240 by the end of this month, a bit enthusiastic to say the least and I know it is not the most realistic goal- I mean, seriously, it would at least 12 pouns in 18 days- but the number fit in nicely on my timeline so I left it there. As each goal is reached, and they will be, I will write in the date that I accomplished them (a la so many other weight losing bloggers, but like I said, I actually took the time to do it today).

I have a lot of things on my mind right now having not so much to do with weight loss, okay well one thing does but moreso on our finances. I am praying that I have a job within the next couple of weeks so I can finally get a handle on our bills... it is killing me. I wish I had the right contacts to get some kind of job where someone would be willing to pay me under the table... or that I had the smarts to go work some temporary job for the last month just to have that extra moola.. hindsight being 20/20 and all that.

Aside from that, I am getting more acquainted with SparkPeople which is a lot of fun; I also had to clean the basement- darn puppy- and am hoping to get down there some time today in order to get some time in on the Gazelle...

Star For The Day!

2007-02-09T15:56:00.000-05:00

I was thisclose to putting my Gazelle workout off til later... which would probably have meant that I would not have gotten to it at all... BUT- woohoo, I just did it... and even though my goal was to do it for 15 minutes, I did it for 20! So combine that with the strength training I did today and I should be just bursting with energy.
On the agenda for tomorrow- those damn pilates, remember, the 20-minute workout that is kicking my ass and will probably continue to do so, at least for the near future anyways. And then some time on the treadmill, I am saying 10 minutes cause that thing, for some reason in Tiff's world, kicks my ass more than anything... yikes! but whatever, you put them both together and it gives me a nice half-hour workout =)

Oh, and I forgot to mention, for Valentine's Day, the hubby is taking us on a nice, day-long hike... I think it sounds like it is going to be romantic so that will be my workout for Wednesday!!!

Now, off to pick up my monster!

I Love Spark People!

2007-02-09T14:14:00.000-05:00

So, I have finally just gotten into SparkPeople and I honestly love it. I knew I needed to start tracking my foods and calorie intake as that is what kept me on track before... well, that's all good but there is so much more to it. I have my goals and so on in there and today, I am to strength train and it even told me so but the best part was it already had some exercises all lined up for me to do... No thinking necessary!!! Woohoo.

Here is what I wrote in my SP journal:

SO today I didn't eat as well as I intended but I did go to my fitness page and saw I was to strength train today... it was no big deal because I just did the workouts SP had listed there... I felt like my old self with the dumb bells and felt stronger even as I was doing them. I am going to keep them in my dining room so that I can just pick them up when I want them instead of keeping them in my basement...
I also asked my girlfriend if she had any pictures from the summer after I graduated college- the time I was at my smallest since I can't even remember- because I have no pics... I haven't decided if it will be motivational or depressing but all the same, I want to see them. She already told me she would for me... I was about 180 then... good grief!

Weigh-in... Ideas Wanted!!!

2007-02-07T09:38:00.000-05:00

Um, so I weighed in this morning at 254... but I am not sad. Like I said before, I know my body and when it is that time of the month I am easily four pounds heavier, so, in my book, when my period is over, I should be weighing in around 250 or less... so bring on next week!!! I ain't scerrred!!!! I will keep on working out- doing something- everyday and really concentrate on my eating.
I am feeling really good, along with the energy is just the way I feel- I am proud of myself for working out and making that effort; I can feel the changes in my body and I am confident that this time will be THE time. I would be too disappointed in myself to fail...

And moving on, I need ideas for breakfast, preferably low carb breakfasts- although my problem is more portion size than anything. I am at a complete loss but I know I need to start my day off better... ugh. So, any suggestions would be great since I don't think I can make myself egg and ham and cheese omelets all of the time!!!

I feel good and I am going to do this... I am either going to be in the low 200s or 190s (gawd, could you imagine?) by the wedding!!! Yee haw!

One. More. Day.

2007-02-06T15:16:00.000-05:00

I am sooo looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in even it is officially that time of the month, blegh. I have been fairly good, wasn't the best on Superbowl Sunday, but aside from that I am pretty proud of myself. Today I worked out to The Goddess Workout; my sister lent it to me and it is a belly dancing workout. I didn't expect that much from it but after a half hour I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was definitely feeling it in my arms and shoulders- oddly enough- and it felt like it was working and stretching a lot of places that may not get the attention they deserve. So all in all, I liked it... I didn't finish the whole tape which is about an hour but I did the 5 minute warm-up and then the half hour of basics. Next time I will do the second half of the tape which is incorporating everything you have learned... should be interesting for sure.

Okay, so the next time I write, it should be with my weigh-in numbers and heaven help me if they are higher...

Today, Monday, February 5th

2007-02-05T11:18:00.000-05:00

So today is the day... I now have 180 days until the wedding... a pound every three days... yikes!

I will be honest, I have been active and/or working out every day but yesterday, which wasn't the best day for me but not nearly as bad as it could have been. I wanted to weigh in this morning 1) because I am losing patience waiting for Wednesday and 2) it is seeming like that time of the month is upon me and I always weigh in at least 3 or 4 pounds heavier... so I wanted to get a true weight. Anyways, I did NOT weigh in and am still waiting for Wednesday... I am feeling really good and really do have lots more energy. Last Friday I cleaned my house from top to bottom which was a huge workout all in itself, especially considering that it took most of the day.

Also, I don't think I mentioned it but if I did, I am mentioning it again; my sister took my measurements for me Thursday night and she is going to track inches lossed/gained through August for me. She wasn't even going to let me see but I saw a few as she wrote them down... I was embarassed for myself to say the least. I can't believe I have let myself get so out of hand... I guess this whole time I haven't paid that much attention to it because even though I knew I was fat and uncomfortable, no one else really seemed to notice just how fat I am... so somewhere in my head that must have made it okay. Well it's not.. blegh.

I guess now I am going to go and read some success stories as that always gets me motivated...

Can you say sore???

2007-01-31T10:51:00.000-05:00

Let's say it together... SORE!!!! Ugh, so yesterday I finally downloaded the songs I wanted on my MP3 player for working out and it was great... they totally motivated, especially Toxic from Britney Spears and Dirrty from Christina Aguilera!!! Anyhoo- I kicked my own ass... I was on the Gazelle for almost 25 minutes but 1) I am not in any kind of shape yet and 2) I was working it and feeling the burn... ahh. I suppose I am satisfied with my soreness though and I am hoping I can find my Pilates DVD so I can use that instead today.
Today would have been my weigh-in day and I am fighting the urge so hard... but I know it will be worth it when I hop on there next Wednesday (at least I hope it will be) so I am looking forward to it; also it is kind of motivational because I know I would be totally disappointed in myself if I didn't lose any weight in two weeks time so it makes me want to work hard and eat right... yippee skippee!

Next Monday...

2007-01-30T10:59:00.000-05:00

So I saw on Becky's sight that she wants to lose so many amount of pounds by sometime around August and she is doing the countdown by days... so I thought to myself, hmm, she started at 180 days, when do my 180 days start? Well, here is my FYI for the day: Starting Monday, February 5th, I have 180 days until the wedding... and if I want to lose 60 pounds by the wedding, that means starting Monday I would need to lose a pound every three days (I am pretty sure that my math is right). I can't decide if that is scary or if it is a good thing...

YAY for me!!!

2007-01-29T07:48:00.000-05:00

Hmm... so the weekend went by okay. I really did put the scale into the closet but not before I weighed myself one more time... ahh, at least two of the scary pounds that had shown up were gone so Amen to that! Also, I worked out on Saturday morning... YES! It was the first thing I did that morning... I did 20 minutes on the exercise ball, and about 6 minutes on the treadmill and then took the puppy for a good walk outside... I felt so good, it was a nice way to start the day. Unfortunately I didn't get in any exercise yesterday as it was a crazy busy day and I haven't gotten any in yet today but that's because I have an interview this morning so I want to be all ready and try to get as much done before the baby wakes up... so I will probably do it when I get back home... will update when after I exercise!
Also, I am having my sister do my measurements so I have a better idea of what my body is doing and not doing... that should be interesting!

Just A Number

2007-01-26T12:11:00.000-05:00

That was the title of an email I got from the Biggest Loser Club. I am not an official member because I don't want to pay to be a member of the club... but because I gave them my initial information, they send me the teaser emails- you know, a bit of information but you have to be a member to get the whole kit and caboodle- and 'Just Another Number' was the title of the one I got yesterday Anywho- I'm glad I did get it when I did because I had been working out for a few days and lo and behold I hop on the scale feeling all good about myself and the damn thing said I gained four pounds!!! Yikes... but like I said, I was feeling really good about myself and I was having more energy and muscles were feeling tighter and maybe even a bit sore... so I thought to myself, I am not going to weigh myself for a couple of weeks because I don't want the damn machine discouraging me... make sense?!?!?

And then... my BLC teaser email vindicated me!!!! I am going to share not only so you all can see what I am talking about but also because it looks like at least a couple of you could use the information to your benefit as well =)

Fitness expert Michael Scholtz responds:

Remember, changing scales doesn't change your weight, it just changes the number at which the machine registers your weight.
This is an important moment. The frustration with the numbers you're seeing is real and understandable when you're working hard. If the numbers and the illusion of starting over make you lose focus on all the things you're doing right, then you risk letting this situation cause you to give up what you have accomplished so far.
What is more important, the way you feel about what you've done or what the scale has to say about it?
It's an important question!

Now then, I don't know about you but it made me feel better... so, alas, I won't be weighing in for a couple of weeks; as a matter of fact, I am going to put the scale in the closer and I will weigh in on February 7th!!!

'Nother Update

2007-01-18T12:24:00.000-05:00

And I did it!!! Oh yes... I just worked out for 35 minutes... 22 of them on the Gazelle and then I spent some time with the elastic bands... and I can definitely feel it in my arms! Woohoo, go me!

Quick Update

2007-01-18T10:15:00.000-05:00

So I just posted, I know, but I just went in to change my ticker and update... remember I said by little man's 7 month birthday I would be at least down to my pre-pregnancy, post-honeymoon weight... that is 238; well, I decided I would be at 235 by Valentine's day... that's 16 pounds!!! Anyhoo, I just went to tickerfactory.com to change my ticker and chose to do a weight loss ticker- duh!- and they have these cool new features: you enter the date and your current weight and as you update your ticker with your weight loss tickerfactory plots the weightloss using the dates entered, you also don't have to recreate a ticker everytime you want to update it which is awesome and, not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but not only does it show current weight, starting weight, and goal weight, ummmm, it also shows the corresponding BMI- boy do I have quite the body mass... ugh.
That's my update!

Down Again...

2007-01-18T10:02:00.000-05:00

It feels so good to write that... I didn't write yesterday because I forgot to weigh myself so I weighed myself this morning... 251! Woohoo! I am hoping to be at 245 by the end of the month. Even though that doesn't seem like a lot to me I realize it is three pounds each week... that's a lot. I'm excited, I feel good about things and I am finally starting to look forward to this weight loss adventure...

LOL- I now have 91 pounds til goal! Yipes! I have a very special occasion on August 4th to attend- I am going to be in a wedding- and I bought my dress in a motivational size so I don't really have a choice... I am hoping to lose 60-70 pounds by then which mean I will probably end up in the 190s somewhere... we can hope! I had initially tried on a size 20 and it was a bit too big and size 18 fit (well, everywhere but the chest but there's nothing I can do with those things) so I got the dress in a size 14... I am an optimist but that doesn't mean I have forgotten that I have hips and a butt!!! tee hee.

My baby just turned 6 months old yesterday and I am disappointed in myself that I am still 11 pounds over my pre-pregnancy, post-honeymoon weight... by the time he turns 7 months, I won't be!

My sister called me this morning to ask me if I had read Bob Greene's plan for weight loss in the new O magazine; I haven't so she is going to give me a copy and the way she made it sound I guess we are going to do it together... should be interesting. I am going to go onto Oprah's site to see if I can get some more info before my sis gives me the article this weekend. (my sister also bought a motivation dress... she's a size smaller cause she doesn't have my chest :sigh:)

Alrighty then, I am expecting a phone call in about 20 minutes and then I am going to work out afterwards... yay!
AND before I forget, yesterday was my first, full no chocolate day!!! YES! NO CHOCOLATE!!!

Down!

2007-01-10T12:24:00.000-05:00

Even it is only one pound... at least I am not maintaining at 257 anymore!!! Woohoo.

Let's see, would that be one small step for weightloss, one giant leap for Tiff! (or something like that)

Overall, I have been pretty proud of myself eating-wise while being here at home. I know I have a tendency to eat much more if I am home a lot and bored and so forth but no! I bought healthy foods at the store so that's what is in my house... and I haven't felt the need to eat portions way out of hand! Both of the grocery stores in my area have Lean Cuisines on sale so I am going to stock up and put them in my new chest freezer for when I go back to work...

That's about it on the homefront... I am going to check on the National Body Challenge- I did it a couple of years ago and lost around 30 pounds so I want to do it again and I know it starts soon.

Oh yeah, and I guess that wasn't about all... my sister is getting married in Auguat and we are going to look at our dresses on Monday... I told her on the phone last night though that I wasn't going to buy mine tomorrow considering I would be at least 60-70 pounds less by then- YES! I said that outloud- so I will be buying my dress when it goes on sale again around June/July!!! Yikes.

2.5.4.

2007-01-08T12:05:00.000-05:00

I tell you what, if I had to maintain at 254 I would be stellar!!! But alas, I would like to be almost 100 pounds less than that so the maintaining is definitely not to my favor, blegh. I haven't weighed myself in the last couple of days and I forgot to on weigh-in Wednesday- I was in a rush- but I am hoping to be down at least a couple of pounds when this Wednesday rolls around. On the bright side, at least I didn't gain any weight over the holidays so that is an accomplishment in itself I suppose.

Moving on, I had been meaning to post... the hubby surprised me this Christmas and quite a few of his gifts were part a theme... a get fit theme. He meant no offense, he just knew it was something I really wanted to do! So, I got a pilates ring, tension bands, free hand weights, exercise ball and DVD, pedometer (with FM radio) and... the piece de resistance: a treadmill!!! My big surprise. Unfortunately I haven't had the chance to use any of it yet because I had an infection last week and was forced to rest... but I am hoping to give it a go today!

And in other news, my brain, I believe, has finally gotten to a healthier place in terms of food and such. I don't have any want or hankering for fast food, junk food (mm, think potato chips and things along those lines)... so I am really happy with that and I think one of the things I will give up for lent will be chocolate to get this last thing out of my system!

YAY! I am feeling really good... did I mention we went on a pretty good hike on Saturday cause the weather here in PA was around 70 degrees!!!! WTF?!?!? Me, the hubby, I had the baby strapped on me in his carrier (so I hiked with an extra 20 pounds on me) and the puppy... (um, the hubby got us a puppy for Christmas... what in the world?). We had a really good time and now I am ready for Spring, especially because this Winter is sucking so hard.

Happy Monday!

One Pound Down

2006-12-14T15:13:00.000-05:00

so weigh in was yesterday and I didn't have the chance to make an entry because, go figure, I have been busy running around here at work. Yes!!! Tomorrow is my last day coming into work and I am really looking forward to it, I am not going to lie. I will miss some of the folks here but I won't miss the company, won't miss the politics, won't miss the people that act like they're still in high school and I- most important- will not miss the 50-mile one-way commute!!!! For sure!!! now, back to the weigh-in... I had a one pound loss which isn't too shabby... but I will admit, with this being my last week let me see: they had a luncheon for me on Monday and I also had a delicious dessert, on Tuesday they had cake for me in the one plant, on Wednesday I brought chocolate frosted donuts in which was great and then also had half a hoagie for lunch, today was the holiday luncheon in the other plant and then cake in this plant and then tomorrow my boss is coming up to take me out to lunch... OMG! Now I haven't really been eating anything at home so hopefully my body will find some balanced in there but I doubt it... we shall see!

I have decided I am fighting a losing battle until the holidays are over- I just have no control over myself and it feels like I am still in the process of getting my mind right... but I do not intend to go hog wild or anything... blegh.

Last night was also the Biggest Loser... those people are amazing! Poppy, one of the at home contestants and the winner for biggest loser at home, looked incredible... she had lost so much weight and she did it on her own!!! I want to be like her... and the amount of time these people lost the weight is also out of this world... whew! That's gonna be Tiff in a few months... bring it on 2007!!!

Two. Fifty. Damn. Four.

2006-12-06T09:33:00.000-05:00

WHAT. IS. WRONG. WITH. ME. Ugh. Like I said, my weight has been fluctuating like a son of a bitch... pardon my french. I am so aggravated right now it is not even funny... I feel totally stuck. I have never had this much trouble losing weight... losing lots of weight, yes. But 5 or 10 pounds has always been pretty simple-- what has this baby done to my body??? Granted, chocolate is not helping matters but all the same, I have always eaten chocolate and I have lost weight when I tried. Maybe I am just not trying hard enough... hmm. I do know that my body is not moving like it used to, and by that I mean that I used to at least get in some more activity, even if it was just running up and down and all over while I was at work- I am hardly even doing that anymore. I am completely blaming myself which also means when I get mad or down and out about this situation I am getting mad at myself- again, it's obviously not helping things.

Moving on... Biggest Loser is on tonight and I think the finale could possibly be on next week so I am looking forward to it... I will admit this season hasn't been nearly as motivational as some of the others but I still sit there and when they say I have lost 62 pounds (LOL not sure why that number has stuck in my head) I then ask myself where would I be if I lost 62 pounds??? It's always fun to imagine... 62 pounds, I would be in Onderland...

Oh well- here's to HUMP day!!!

30 degrees outside...

2006-12-04T09:39:00.000-05:00

Brrr! but I love the cold weather and it is that time of the year so I say bring it on... of course, I can't believe it was 74 degrees when I was driving home from work on Friday... ack.

Anyhoo- I am totally stressing which is definitely not good for my health. I am trying to curb my wanting to eat everything salty and/or sugary I can find... I was going to buy chocolate frosted donuts out of the vending maching this morning to have with some coffee- I know, shame on me, but the machine was out so I waited a little while longer and then I ate my yogurt... I have the munchies so right now I am chomping on some chewing gum. ugh. This sucks- I am totally going through withdrawl or something. This sucks seriously... but I think I have to get the chocolate cravings and others out of my system.

I weighed myself a few times this weekend and my weight flucuates like crazy!!! Saturday morning I weighed myself and had lost like 3.5 pounds and this morning, not so much... I guess it will be a surprise what Wednesday morning brings!!! I just want to see 245... is that too much to ask? And then I can go from there... maybe if things go well I will be there by the end of the year and then can work on getting out of the two hundreds as one, among others, of things I NEED to do for the new year!!!

Is that a light at the end of the tunnel?

2006-12-01T09:40:00.000-05:00

Or is it a train??? Tee hee. That's along the lines of what my mom said to me when I was telling her what I would do if I had a job by the beginning of January- meaning I would be able to take advantage of my package and double dip for a couple of months... she said hopefully it was the light at the end of the tunnel and not a train!!! My point: I interviewed for a job yesterday!!! The interview went really well in my opinion; I interviewed with the person who would be my boss and also with the recruiter and they both were great... and I am feeling really optimistic about the job. And the two best parts: 1) I already really like the few people I met in the office, like I was comfortable there... something I never completely felt in my current position and 2) it took me a half hour to get home!!! Compare that with one way commutes of over an hour... amen!!! So keep your fingers crossed and prayers going up and hopefully I will have me a job in January =-)

Now, because of me feeling so good about my interview I am feeling more relaxed and not so munchy hungry... that and this month should be my last hell month (wishing & hoping) so I am not feeling the need for chocolate and other snacks... nor am I eating as much, at least it doesn't feel that way. So that just seals the deal on my being a stress eater... less stress, better eating... I don't know if any of this makes sense but I do feel good!!!

Holiday Recovery

2006-11-29T17:09:00.000-05:00

So the end of my vacation is closing in... back to work tomorrow- yay! Um, seriously though, I just checked my work email and found out that my one main office is now officially taken over by the new HR manager, effective today- granted, I did clean out my office last week- but still, I am already going to be done a couple of weeks before my official end date, couldn't they have waited a couple more weeks? or am I being petty? Just another reason I guess that I am glad that I am leaving there... another reason among many!

On to the fun stuff, my weight... Remember last Wednesday I weighed in and I would not even say what my weight was... well, let's just say I have lost a couple pounds and today weighed in at a solid 252. BUT (notice it is a big but) I did get some exercise in over my vacation so Amen to that! I'll admit, I didn't eat perfect the whole time but I didn't eat awful either.

Hopefully there is no where to go but DOWN!!!

Thoughts for the day...

2006-11-22T13:39:00.000-05:00

It is downright chilly outside... but I love this weather!!! (of course, we have the nor'easter coming our way... something to look forward to in my opinion)
Becky is blogging again- yay!
Tomorrow is turkey day... glad about it as I haven't been on plan an don't plan on starting tomorrow, I know- shame shame.
I want to have more fun! no intentions of elaborating right now
Today is wednesday... as in weigh in day... but I would rather not go there, let's enjoy the holiday and stating my weight would just cast a big black shadow over it.

Anyways, I have been feeling kind of down and out lately and I have no doubt that part of that is due to my body and how I feel about it and a lack of exercise... we have been over this before... I am having the most difficulty getting myself motivated. Argh. But I am getting there slowly in my head; it is becoming frustrating... let's think back to my last post where I said I eat when I am stressed and anxious... what if that were to go away? Would I feel better? Would I just stopping eating like I am but my weight would stay the same? Or would I feel good enough about myself to start taking care of me and my body??? Something to think about I guess.

Oh, and some of my other thoughts have been around this new frenzy of news reports about the anorexic models and such after the one gal died last week weighing in at 88 pounds... she was the same height as me!!! At this point, I can't imagine weighing 188, let alone 88 pounds... I think it is sad though. I have no problem seeing that I am fat and that I have a problem and I hear what the scale says loud and clear; unfortunately those suffering with eating disorders, like anorexics, apparently don't see themselves that skinny and keep on losing weight... so sad.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed Turkey Day!!!!

My Lightbulb Moment Has Arrived!!!

2006-11-21T10:43:00.000-05:00

So I may have come to this realization before but now it is really hitting home... ready for this???

I EAT WHEN I AM ANXIOUSLY STRESSED!!!!

Ta-Da! Does that make sense? If I am stressed over relationships or something like that, I lose my appetite. But, if I am anxious about things- a whole other breed of stress- then I want to eat. Seriously... at the end of December I will be done with my job, and not that I won't have a nice term package and stuff but I have put pressure on myself to really have a new job all set to start in January so that I can put my second income towards our debt. Now I know, like I said, I am the one putting pressure on myself but all the same, it has me stressed. And I am totally anxious about money at the moment... which just ties in with the finding a new job for January thing. Anyways, I feel this way and I have noticed that I have also been craving food- no apparent reason... I can't even claim to be that hungry. And it is an endless hunger too... I don't know what I am hungry for or why I am eating but it's like I can't stop thinking about food and I will eat whatever sounds good at the moment... argh.

OKAY, GREAT! Now that I have figured this out what am I going to do about it... any suggestions?

Plus I think I am also one of those boredom eaters so that makes matters worse right now because at my task list here at work gets shorter and I have less to do, I find myself wanting and thinking about food more often. YIKES

Alrighty then, I do have some work to do so I ought to get to it and stop thinking about food so much...

Humph.

2006-11-17T15:44:00.000-05:00

Yup- that about sums it up. I put my jeans on this morning and they are fitting looser which is always fun but that was about the highlight for my day. Oh yeah, and when I wasn't hungry enough for lunch I had carrots with ranch dressing... that wasn't too bad unless you count the side of Dove dark chocolates... mmm. Aside from that, I think I have been a lazy ass today... working from home and I haven't even made the bed- which I plan on doing after I finish this post.

Thanks to FB and Sandii for the words of encouragement... made my day!!! So long as I am not going backwards and continue to have goals it can't all be too bad, right?!?!?

I saw Pasta Queen ;-) is in Onderland... I am jealous... I have got to get there... haven't been there since I graduated from college in 2002, so four and a half years ago. And when I do get back there, I am going to take a picture too...

Damn. Did I say that already?

2006-11-15T09:29:00.000-05:00

Well, the weigh-in wasn't as bad as I thought it would be from the other morning when I weighed in and was up too many pounds to share here... I lost a couple pounds since then but am still riding the fence around 250... give or take a pound. Ugh. I still don't know what the hell my problem is, that I can't seem to get motivated at all when it comes to eating right and/or exercising. And one would think that as my frustration grew with the state of my body that I would really do something... and yet, no. Nada. I really need to spend some one on one time with me and figure out what I really want, how I am going to get it and what is stopping me... yeah, good luck with that. Maybe I will brainstorm on that and get back with it later today.

Blegh.

2006-11-14T13:38:00.000-05:00

So this post is going to sound more like a whine than anything so here's your head's up.

Moving on: I feel so icky today... just all the way around. I got into work this morning and the new hr person had moved some things in my office and I just felt invaded; on top of that I am not in the best mood because the baby decided to be wide awake last night so I was up with him at 1 am and finally went back to bed at 3 am... I did get some things done though. Hum.

I am also feeling fat so what better place to write about that than right here. I don't know if it is stress or something else but I have been wanting to eat... everything and anything... it is awful and it is also like I can't stop myself. I feel myself being pulled down- I mean, yesterday my stomach just felt gross and yet I still ate dinner. What is my problem? I need to think on this a little more; maybe I am not eating enough of the right things. Plus I need to kick this chocolate addiction I seem to be having... you know?!?!?

Oh well, due to my mood I don't have too much else to write.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

2006-11-12T20:48:00.000-05:00

My stomach feels gross and I am damning my babysitter. Ugh. Long story short, her mother-in-law works for Pepperidge Farms and at Halloween she, as in my sitter, found out that I like the PF Milano cookies so her mother-in-law got me a HUGE bag of these cookies... and shamefully I admit to practically feasting on them over the last week- ack. There have been at least a couple of times where a few of these cookies have replaced a meal. The worst part, it's not even the cookie part that I really enjoy but more that dark chocolate middle that gets me... every.time.

One thing I have noticed, foods that I like- and these are snacky foods, be they chocolate covered raisins, potato chips or the above mentioned cookies- I ritualize eating them. Does that make sense? I'll try to explain; I don't just bite into the cookies, chew it up and swallow and then reach for another... no. The milano cookies, I take a bite slowly, and then soften up the cookie and then wait for the chocolate to melt... mm. Chocolate covered raisins, I break the chocolate off from around the raisins- a mixture of melting and biting the chocolate just right. Get my drift... I guess it is good that I've noticed this but I don't have a clue as to why I do it.

In closing- ah- I am not so much looking forward to Wednesday weigh in as I had been, *sigh*.

SMOOSHED MARSHMALLOW

2006-11-08T14:05:00.000-05:00

That is why I was posting yesterday morning... I knew there must have been a reason. Anyhoo- I say smooshed marshmallow because... we happen to have a good sized armoire/ wardrobe in our bedroom and it just so happens to have a full sized mirror on the door... and this piece of furniture is placed so that it is facing the end of the bed meaning if you happen to sit on the middle of the end of the bed you can get a nice full length view of yourself sitting on the bed... well, that's what happened to me Monday night and again last night... and that's why I say a smooshed marshmallow... I looked all fluffy and rolly and just- ICK! Not a pretty picture but definitely has increased my motivation to take better care of myself for sure. I have made my list of things I want to get done this weekend while the husband is working and this includes straightening up and sorting the boxes I have in the basement... then I am 'allowed' to set up my Gazelle down there where I plan on doing my workouts... oh yeah, and I have already figured out most of my first workout playlist so I need to download the songs and I should be good to go. Whew.

Now, if any of you are following along, Wednesday mornings happen to be my weigh-in day :clearing throat: I was excited about this morning since I was down a pound the other day... well no such luck this morning as I was up a pound but I am blaming it on that time of the month and water retention- I am bloated, like you needed to know that- so I am still most definitely looking forward to next week's weigh in. I have been eating well, this morning it was two granola bars, a salad with lite french dressing, some leftover homemade jumbalaya and a granny smith apple. Woohoo...

Tonight: Biggest Loser; special time 8 pm. Looking forward to it... even though I think this group has some of the whiniest most crybaby-ist people... just my opinion but come on... if anything my motivation would be that my fat ass is on national TV! Come on folks, let's kick it up a few notches!!! (by the way I realize I most certainly am not the biggest loser but that's probably why I don't have my fat ass on tv, so there)

2006-11-07T09:30:00.000-05:00

I wasn't going to post this morning, or today for that matter, but I sitting here eating my yogurt and just felt like it... hmm, could it be because I have so much on my mind right now and don't feel like talking about it?!?!? I am sure I have said this before but when I am stressed I start losing my appetite... well, I am stressing hardcore, my stomach keeps turning and I think I am on the verge of panic attacks... no kidding. Not a healthy thing for sure and- at least in my case- all the more reason for me to get to exercising as that is one of the best stress relievers... and I know this is true cause I have used it before. I am not going to get in to what all is bothering me- remember, I don't feel like talking about it- but it is not only weighing me down (ironic), it's really messing with me now and I can't remember the last time I have felt like this- my heart is palpitating off and on, my hands get cold and start to shake, my stomach gets uneasy and I have been getting dizzy off and on- while I am just sitting in a chair, I am irritable, sensitive and on and on. This sucks my ass hard core. What I need is to win the lottery and then move into my compound somewhere in the mountains out west... doesn't that sound sweet???

Oh well, that's my little rant for the morning... I would love a drink right now but I suppose I ought to stick with my water and yogurt... ahh, such is life.

Another One Bites the Dust...

2006-11-06T09:28:00.000-05:00

Umm, so, I couldn't help myself and I jumped on the scale this morning... I figured it would probably be higher but NO! One more pound down and it's not even weigh-in day yet... and the best part!?!?! it is that time of the month which means I am already carrying around a little extra weight... so I can't wait to see what it will look like on Wednesday and even next week for that matter. I have been eating less and less chocolate and slowly working my way out of my chocolate addiction... whew.

This morning I had a granola bar on the way in, I have a yogurt for breakfast, a nice big salad with some balsamic vinagrette and a Lean Cuisine for lunch (I need the salad because sometimes those little ole Lean Cuisines don't even begin to fill me up)! Now I have to also start concentrating on my water; when I was losing weight before I easily drank a hundred ounces of water a day and now, not so much, so I am going to work on that starting today!!!

All in all, it was a good weekend and hoping for a good week...

Down...

2006-11-01T15:01:00.000-05:00

So weigh-in was this morning and I was back down to 248!!! YAY! Can't say I ever thought I would be excited about weighing 248 but heck... 1)It is better than my highest pregnancy weight which was 283 and 2) It is better than 250 or anything above... and heck yeah, at this point I will take a loss whether it is a pound or five pounds!!! So I am glad about that, will be changing my ticker and it also means I have 10 more pounds to lose before reaching my mini-goal of 238 (post-honeymoon, pre-pregnancy weight)!!! I think if I keep up what I am doing, and even improve, plus throw in some exercise I can lose those ten pounds in the next four weeks... before Thanksgiving!!! And then my next goal will be 225 for the end of January... I can tell I am excited because I am babbling and because I am looking at future goals!!! Whatever though... I am on my way so that is a good thing =)

Feeling Good

2006-10-31T09:07:00.000-05:00

Happy Halloween!!!

I am feeling really good this morning; I think my ab muscles are finally getting into some kind of shape because I can suck my stomach in a lot more now... hmm, what does that mean? Anyhoo- yesterday I ate a banana on my way into work, had half a yogurt before lunch, ate some of my homemade veggie beef soup with noodles, then had some more soup with noodles for dinner... and four pieces of Dove dark chocolate. Yup folks, that's the sum of it yesterday! And, to top it off, I wanted a Snickers really bad yesterday but did NOT go to the vending machine!!! Woohoo.

I weighed myself this morning and it was up one pound from Saturday but I blaming that on the fact that I breastfeed and the fact that I needed to pump was weighing me down... LMAO

Today I am feeling pretty optimisitic about my eating; I am slowly working on my chocolate intake, trying to decrease it day by day, I had some cereal to eat on my way in, a banana for a snack, a yogurt- the Dannon Fruit on the Bottom, pineapple...mmm- a granny smith apple and that garlic chicken pizza from Lean Cuisine. So it should be all good so long as I behave myself... plus, I think I am walking around with the hubby and the stepson tonight for trick or treating... we are going to take the baby along too so long as it is not too cold-- he is a TIGER today!! Too. freaking. cute.

So I am feeling really good about myself today... I am starting to make my song list of some of my favorite hip hop songs out right now so that I will have something to work out to in the morning. Which I hope to get into this week since my body is still waking up at 4 am because it thinks it is really 5 am... why miss the chance to take advantage of it!!! Does that make sense?

Now, the fight is on between me and the Halloween candy... YIKES!!!

Here We Go Again...

2006-10-30T09:19:00.000-05:00

So the weekend wasn't too shabby if I do say so myself... I knew I was going to be starting over again today, Monday, especially after my weigh-in last Wednesday... ugh, seeing my weight over 250 is so disappointing and it is time I do something about it. Right now, one thing I have total control over- considering I don't have control over surprise bills that come in, baby mama drama, who is going to hire me and who is not, and so on...- my health. I am not sick, I have no excuse for not making myself better... getting fit, eating healthier, taking time for me. What's stopping my? Not a darn thing but myself. I am tired of this... of my clothes not fitting me right, of looking in the mirror and seeing the belly pudge left there from having the baby... hmm, maybe I am babbling now.
Anyway, I weighed myself Saturday morning and I was back down to 248 and I have made a promise to myself to not go back over that 250 hump... it is too scary.
Oh well, I have to get to a meeting for work but will probably post more later as this small paragraph isn't all I have to say... surprise, surprise!!!!

Hmm...

2006-10-27T12:09:00.000-05:00

Not sure why I am posting today as I don't have anything specifically that I wanted to say. But, I was lyingon my side in the bed this morning and felt along the side of my torso- nice smooth line and then I felt my beluga belly! Ugh. You would think, heck whenever I want to eat chocolate I ought to just reach down and feel the blubber because it is not a fun feeling. As long as I have been overweight I have never really had a belly like this... yes, I realize I had a baby and it took nine months to get that belly and it has only been three months but eww.

I have been really organized and just plain great in other areas of my life so now I guess it is time to be anal with me... my body, mind and spirit. (Does that sound cheesy?) I plan on writing down my lunch menu plus snacks that I wil take with me to work the same way I write down the dinner menu for the week... I should also write down a workout schedule or something with times and everything and really get anal about everything; I think that's how I have to be. So, I guess it is a good thing I wrote here because now I feel like I have a plan. Thanks.

2006-10-25T10:36:00.000-05:00

SO I am too out there to even try to think of a title for this entry... I am also kind of depressed I weighed in this morning and I am up at 251... what the hell?!?!? I tried posting last week but I wrote everything in and when I went to ave it or something I lost the whole entry and did not feel like re-writing it. Long story short, my mom got me a new scale for my birthday because I wanted one, didn't want to buy one and she knew it... it's a nice one- digital, calibrates itself and the best part is that it stores the weights of two people so me and the hubby jumped on it that night and I am person 1 and he is person 2. He weighed more than he thought... I already knew about what I weighed. The other fun thing is that you can get on it and if you lose weight from the last time, it will show a down arrow and the amount of weight you lost... so it's cool, of course, it also shows an up arrow if you gain, not so cool.

Anyhoo, I am really fighting with myself as of recently. I have, as of this morning, 13 pounds to lose. I wanted to have most of it gone by the end of October- not gonna happen- so now I am looking to have it gone by Thanksgiving... that way I can enjoy my meal and holiday. Ugh. i don't know what my problem is though; I keep telling myself to stop eating the chocolate as I know that that is a problem for me and I can sometimes look at chocolate and I swear I will gain a couple of pounds... well, I am still eating chocolate. I also have been eating more than usual... like I am thinking about food a lot more... I seriously think I am a stress eater; when there is a lot on my mind I eat.

So now I am disappointed in myself... and what makes it worse is I am really not that comfortable in my body, I can't stand the way it looks and I know I have no one to blame but me. I would love to set up the Gazelle and be able to jump on it and I am going to talk to Brad about having it in the basement so I don't have to keep taking it out and putting it away it can just stay out... and I also want to put some songs on my MP3 player so I have something to listen to. Part of it is I am not taking time for myself and I wake up early enough where this shouldn't be a problem... I am also usually the last one to sleep so if anything I could do it then... and if I were really serious, mine as well do it both times. I am frustrated and tired of constantly thinking about it... all the same, I wonder why the hell I just don't do something about. It is making me edgy, I don't feel good- like my body is telling me I am not taking care of it, and I also have to keep in mind that I am still eating for two so everything I put in my body transfers to the little one. Ugh.

And speaking of the little one, who is wonderful and growing really well, I think he is going to be one of those really active types... how? you may ask considering he is 3 months old... he moves his legs all the time like he is running and has somewhere to go and I had him in the tub with me the other night and he was paddling his little legs and feet as if he were swimming- I plan on taking him to a class at the Y for babies and swimming, and he loves the outdoors... so, in my mind, put that all together and I have one of those outdoorsy active children! So mama needs to catch up before he leaves me behind...

And my other thoughts are 1) I know I will feel a lot better not just physically but all the way around- I. Know. This. and 2) I want to set an example, if you will, to the husband that I can be healthy, so can he, and it will be fun. Hmm, does that make sense?

So that is all of the fun stuff going on in the weight loss world of tiff...

2006-10-05T18:56:00.000-05:00

This week, overall, hasn't been that bad in my opinion. Today wasn't the best and that is the fault of the existence of chocolate. I helped out a co-worker and he gifted me with Dove chocolates (bought for me by his wife, LOL), I had a couple of Tootsie Rolls, and then Brad was kind enough to get me some chocolate covered raisins at the store. God help me.

Aside from the chocolate fun, I have been eating pretty well, paying attention to my portion sizes and also making sure that I have snacks so that I don't go overboard. I'll be working from home tomorrow and that kind of makes me nervois but I would like to try a belly dancing video I borrowed from my sister...

That's about the update for now.

Weigh-in

2006-10-04T08:42:00.000-05:00

So I am going to stick with the same weigh-in schedule that I had before- I actually even stayed on that schedule while I was pregant- and that is jumping on the scale every Wednesday morning after I get to work. My post-honeymoon weight was 238 and when I weighed in at the doctor's office a few weeks ago it was 253... my initial goal is to get to my post-honeymoon weight and then go from there, I have lost 4 more pounds! Not too shabby considering the last few weeks I was home I did not eat well at all so I won't say I am happy about what I way but I am not disappointed either. And the one good thing about it is I don't have to slide the thingy to the 250 mark on the scale, I now move it to 200 and then go from there. Hmm, I can't wait until I don't even have to move it to 200- that would mean Onederland for those who aren't in thinking mode yet this morning- but I don't want to get ahead of myself. I am hoping to get to 238 by the end of the month but if that is going to be the case then I had better get more aggressive with what I am doing- exercisewise and also with cutting out some of the extra calories... I have to keep reminding myself that I am not pregnant anymore (although I am still breastfeeding).

So, all in all, not bad news and now I have a better idea of where I am and what I need to do to get where I want to go. We'll see where I am at the end of the month in order for me to figure out where I want to be for the end of the year!!!
Biggest Loser is on tonight!!!!

Back to Work

2006-10-02T11:38:00.000-05:00

So I am back to work today meaning I had to leave my baby... you want to talk about one of the most awful things in the world to do- I think this comes close to the top of the list. I miss him so much already which has definitely affected my stomach which is affecting my appetite.

I did eat some pretzel sticks on my way in this morning and then had a yogurt later on; I brought a Lean Cuisine for lunch and a 100 calorie pudding snack for dessert, plus I had pineapple for my mid-morning snack so I am good on food, just not hungry for it. I will eat my lean cuisine in a little while because I need to eat in order to produce milk to feed my little man. Ugh. All in all though, I would say I am having a good start to eating better and I am hoping I will be able to get out and take the baby for a walk tonight- get in some exercise. Wish me luck!

What A Week!?!?!

2006-09-28T13:44:00.000-05:00

My aunt passed away on Tuesday morning. It is sad and I keep thinking about it- comparing her to the way she looked the other day to the woman I used to know. She had suffered from cancer and apparently had gotten an infection which spread really fast and she just wasn't able to fight it off. Her funeral is tomorrow... please keep my uncle and cousin in your prayers as this is really tough for them.

On to other news, this is my last week home and I start work on Monday. I guess I am kind of looking forward to it- the schedule, the people, getting out of the house. Not that I have minded being home and I most definitely will miss my baby. Luckily these next few months I will have some flexibility in my schedule so I don't plan on working and having 11-12 hour days like I had before having the baby. Please keep me in your prayers as I try to find a new job, closer to home, to start in January! Before I didn't know if I was going to start a new job or stay home in January but by that point I will be more used to my baby going to day care and plus I don't want to miss the chance to be working and bringing home that income while also receiving two more months of paychecks and a severance check- I could use that to pay off my Jeep and a credit card or two. So I am excited about the possibilities...

Hmm, now about the weight thing. I have been kind of lax, I will admit. I plan on getting fully back into the swing of things when I start work on Monday. I already have some of my usual standbys and then I will just need to get some fresh fruit and stuff on Monday. I am afraid though and won't even lie about it. I don't know how much I weigh but will weigh myself Wednesday morning a la my old routine and then just work my butt off. Biggest Loser started last week and the last time I really got into losing weight I did so well and that show was part of my motivation. I have noticed that I feel like I have gotten lazy, I feel crappy and I have been eating for no reason at all unless it is either boredom and/or stress. SO realizing all of that has me feeling kind of desperate; like I know how much I like to work out and how good it makes me feel and yet I can't get myself to do it. Pitiful. Anyways, that said, I am hoping to get my butt in gear and shed about 20 pounds by the end of the year...

Where I Am At

2006-09-22T11:35:00.000-05:00

So it has been one week since I have posted last and I will admit to having some more of those chocolate covered raisins; I guess I am not completely ready yet but I am on my way. One thing I am waiting for- and some may not think this is best- is to get back to work, one week from Monday. The structure of it all really helps me out- I pack my snacks, all of my food for the day but dinner; I don't sit around snacking, I drink water the whole damn day, and I walk... I walk now but don't drink nearly enough water and sometimes I do snack. Anyway you look at it though, I am not eating as healthy as I do while I am working and I mean foodwise plus the fact that some days while I am at home I may only eat one meal- not good. This is why I am looking forward to going back to work. I will be broke as dirt which may make eating healthy a little more difficult since we all know that eating healthy costs more than eating junk but I plan on sitting down with the hubby and planning the menu every week or two and that will include what we want for our lunchs and any snacks we may want to avoid the vending machine (waste of money and a bad, bad place if one is trying to lose weight).

And since I am mentioning money, I plan on starting a moderate version of Oprah's debt diet October 1st. This should be interesting because the month of October will be hell month as far as our finances go... we have school taxes due at the end of the month (which is kind of shoved up our butts since an escrow account wasn't established when we bought our house in March and, being new to the whole house buying thing, I didn't realize this until I got the tax bill. But you can be sure that I am now in the process of setting one up for any other taxes in year 07), my stepson's birthday is at the end of the month, I go back to work which means more money out for gas (filling up my car a couple times a week as opposed to when I've been home and only filling it once every week or two... I am so glad the gas prices have dropped), hubby has a child support hearing at the beginning of October for his daughter, and we put our munchkin in daycare which is not cheap- it will end up being $600 a month. Right now, nothing about all of that really stresses me except for the school taxes, ack! It's like I have to pull two grand out of my butt- this is where creative budgeting comes in if ever I've known it. The good part of this is I won't be going out to eat at all... and it drives home my motivation to do this debt diet. My hubby and I make pretty good money and yet it goes to pay our debt... I am hoping I have a job secured for January so that way I can take my two months of pay that I will be getting when I am done in my current position and put it towards the debt...

So it is looking like, hopefully, 2007 will be the year of a lot of positive transformations in my world. My husband and I need to re-eaveluate us and get to know each other again (without all of the stress and stuff), we finally gotten past all the big stuff (wedding, baby, house) so we can concentrate on our money, and then we both need to work on our health! Now, even though it is the last part of 2006, who says a gal can't start on her 2007 resolutions now?!?!?

2006-09-14T06:06:00.000-05:00

Damn, damn, damn those chocolate covered raisins!!!

(Just my thought for the morning- ACK!)

UGH

2006-09-13T17:18:00.000-05:00

'Nuff said. So I have acknowledged that I am fat but what in the world is wrong with me??? I just read Jackie's post and I can totally relate on so many levels. She is talking about her eating and her weight gain... ummm, I can totally relate. What the f***? I have been eating out of control the last few days and it is not just my imagination. You want to know what the biggest vice has been? Chocolate covered raisins. I specifically went to the store today in order to get some... how awful is that? And the worst thing is that I got a lot of them in order to last me a while. I can claim to have gotten out a couple of times so far this week for some pretty good walking but that whole calories in, calories out thing won't work if I think of what I've eaten compared to the calories that I am expelling... and I don't have a clue what is triggering this. Perhaps I really am an emotional eater. I know I am totally stressed about having to leave my little man with some stranger while I go back to work- this is probably the top of my list of things that have me stressed so that could be it. But ack! Usually when I am stressed I lose my appetite... of course I also know that I have been letting myself get too hungry in the morning before I actually sit down and eat which will change when I go back to work- whew! One of the good things about going back is I will be able to structure my eating habits better... I wish I had a friend who was losing weight and doing a good job of it because, no kidding, the competitive side of me would totally jump on that wagon! Isn't that a crying shame as I am not competitive all of the time but I know that is part of the reason I lost weight while I was in college... hmm.

Anyhoo, let's just say for now how frustrated I am at myself. I can't figure out why I am being so lazy with myself, I am disappointed in myself and I really have no excuse for any of it. Shame on me... I ought to go read some success stories or something somewhere to get me motivated (speaking of, a couple of years ago The Biggest Loser was a total motivator for me so that's something to look forward to as the new season is starting soon; a Loser from each state).

Confidence & Acknowledgement

2006-09-07T17:59:00.000-05:00

Hmm, those are two things that make being at this weight an entirely different story from when I was around this weight when I first went to college. The highest I weighed myself at that time (8 years ago, oh my) was 256 but I know it got higher before it eventually went down. But through high school my weight increased to its highest because I did not acknowledge- I mean really acknowledge- that I was fat, eating unhealthy, and that it wasn't going to go away by itself or magically or whatever. This time, although I am at this weight for entirely different reasons, or at least weighing this much, I acknowledge the fact that I did not get here by healthy means, it is not a healthy weight, my eating and activity levels are not healthy, and it.will. not. go. away. by. itself. The other difference is confidence- I am a confident woman which is a positive and a negative; I'll explain: I am confident therefore my weight does not stop me from doing what I want to do, I have high self esteem (so where is my motivation going to come from); on the other hand I also have confidence in myself that I will beat this fat demon! So there you have it, my lightbulb thought for the day!

This Is The First Day Of

2006-09-05T09:53:00.001-05:00

Should I say the rest of my life?!?!? I think not as I have done this kind of thing before. I would love to have said that I am starting fresh today after gorging myself by partaking of yummy Labor Day foods yesterday but didn't happen- I guess I have my hubby to thank for that. Ugh. So no hamburgers and hotdogs for this gal; just some chicken broccoli rice from Lipton's (well now I guess it is Knorr); takes me back to those college days except last night I was pissed off at my husband and didn't eat til later cause I dyed my sister's hair and then had my 7 week old little man to contend with... good times,

So, sorry I got sidetracked but this morning has started off pretty uneventful; had about a cup and a half of watermelon... yup, and that wa all she wrote. When I am upset about something or other, I tend to lose my appetite so I am not very hungry. I will, though, have to find something to eat while at the store because I am breastfeeding and I have to eat in order to sustain my milk... woe is me.

Anyhoo- not a long post and chances are good I may post later depending on my mood. BTW the weather here is certainly suiting my mood, rainy and 62 degrees... for heaven's sake it should be sunny hot and humid but I am not complaining.

Oprah said...

2006-09-01T12:25:00.000-05:00

So, I am considering making brownies this afternoon- as a matter of fact, I am pretty sure I am making brownies this afternoon. Why? Because I really want one. Now, I had a chat with myself while cleaning the dishes if I am well aware of how much weight I have to lose, why in heaven's name am I going to make brownies to just have sitting around my kitchen. I answered myself by saying I really want one and I like the way they taste. SO this conversation with myself got more in depth and got to the big question of why do I eat what I know is not good for me and certainly won't help me lose weight... my answer was because I like to eat and I like the way food tastes. Sounds like a fairly simple and straightforward answer if you ask me. And then... oh yes, I remember Miss Oprah saying that she used to think the same and it was W.R.O.N.G. There is something deeper- an underlying something or other- that makes a person eat, whether it be the wrong things or too much... ugh. You know what that means??? I want to make and eat my brownies but I don't know why!?!?!?!? Something to ponder while they're baking I suppose... (oh yeah, and I plan on going onto oprah.com to see if I can get a little help getting to the bottom of this!)

Official Weight (yikes)

2006-08-31T09:09:00.000-05:00

Aaagghhh... so I had my 6 weeks postpartum checkup yesterday. The nurse was nice enough to ask if I wanted to be weighed or not- I had a choice!?!?!- and I actually told her yes. Well, turns out that I have lost 30 pounds since having the baby... don't we all wish we could drop 30 pounds in six weeks??? So, that's the good news; bad news: I still have about 15 pounds to go to get to my "pre-pregnancy" weight, which is how the doctor's office referred to it- I refer to it as post-honeymoon weight. Anyhoo, I am weighing in at a whopping 253 pounds officially at the doctor's office. This means I have a lot of work ahead of me and I will be honest, I think that not only is it daunting but also downright scary. I am going to work at it though and my regular annual appointment is supposed to be in January so I will use that as my timeframe to get me to another official weigh-in. Now, the hard part is trying to figure out what my goal weight should be for five months from now; I am hoping to lose another 10 pounds before I go back to work that first week of October which puts me around 240 and gives me about 4 months, plus I have to figure in the holidays which I know is no excuse to put on weight but I am being realistic. I would love to be at 200 by the end of January but I will make my goal 210! That allows for the holidays and stubborn pregnancy weight and if I get below 210 by the end of January then all the better!!!
It is so scary to actually be on the weight loss train when for 9 months I was watching my weight but expecting to gain weight. And the scariest part is I am almost at my highest weight- the weight I was at when I started college- and the idea of being back there freaks me out and the idea of losing it freaks me out even more. Especially when I keep reminding myself how much trouble I was having trying to lose weight before I found out I was pregnant. The biggest thing I know I need to do is watch some of the things I eat and also get in some exercise... I can't keep making excuses or being lazy.
Sooo, I am going on to sparkpeople (i think that's the name) to get the gist of how I am supposed to be logging in my calories and then my sister also swore by this other fitness site and then I am going to go from there. Hopefully, if I use this blog to hold myself accountable I will be able to stay on track and go from there.
YEEHAW!

BABY IS HERE!!!! and I have some weight to lose.

2006-08-03T10:03:00.000-05:00

So, I have been getting asked for some updates and here it is: Trevor James was born on July 17th at 3:43 am, 6lbs 12 oz (he was so much smaller than the docs thought he would be, they were guessing 8-8.5 lbs). He is perfect and beautiful and looks more like his daddy than me, WTH??? LOL

So there you have it... and if you have to do the math, I was almost exactly 39 weeks (plus one day). And I swear the beach is what brought him on as we went the day before I went into labor. HAHA

As for the weight end, um, I gained about 35-40 pounds while I was pregnant with him which wasn't too bad and now I don't have a clue how much I weigh. I have been losing a good amount of weight 1) because there is no longer a baby and everything that comes along with him sitting in my belly 2) a lot of my swelling has gone away and 3) I think there really is something to breastfeeding and losing weight; not to mention I am supposed to eat 500 calories more than 'normal' and I don't have the appetite for all that...
Sooo, I am going to wait for an official weigh in at my postpartum checkup and then go from there. Hoping, once this freakin' hot ass weather moves out that I can take my baby out for a walk and walk off some of my butt and thighs, ugh. I have already started watching what I am eating but like I said, my appetite is not huge so I'll have some ice cream here and there for the calcium and the calories :clearing throat: TEE HEE

I will be home for another 7 weeks so there should be no reason why I can't keep up on my blog and I am hoping to at least be at my pre-preggo weight by the time I go back to work, or even under that as it was already high from the honeymoon- ugh.

So there's the update!!!!

Quick Update!!!

2006-07-05T08:56:00.000-05:00

Oh my... so I am realizing that I am missing the weight loss journey, does that make sense? I don't know if it is just one of those things that you miss it because you can't do it or if my resolve is actually there and I just can't take advantage of it right now... either way, the baby is due in two and a half weeks and after he arrives and I am able to do so, I am getting back into things hard core. I think part of my motivation is going into my doctor's appointments and seeing my weight inch up more and more and now weighing more than I ever have in my entire life!!! YES! I realize I am carrying a baby- and to top it off, it seems like most of the weight I have gained has been in my belly so hopefully a lot of it will drop off when the baby comes- but it is still disconcerting to say the least.

I am missing the weigh loss camaderie and the accomplishment of taking pounds off or dropping to a lower pant size... that's another thing, my clothes don't fit me anymore- do you know how weird that is?!?!

Oh well, I must say I am excited about the baby's arrival and cannot believe it is almost here... where has the time gone??? I guess when little man arrives, I will be making sure he and I get out with the stroller as often as possible!!!

Time Must Fly...

2006-03-23T08:55:00.000-05:00

When you're having fun!!! (or something like that)

So, I had my big ultrasound last Monday, the 13th, and we found out that the baby is healthy and growing right on schedule... AND it's a boy!!! So we can now call the little one little Trevor instead of 'it'!!! LOL It was definitely one of the neatest experiences of my life... he was curled up into a little ball sleeping, I guess, when the u/s first started and then he woke up and started moving around. At first, the tech couldn't tell what it was because he was straddling the umbilical cord- go figure, my kid no doubt! But he finally moved off of it and the tech showed us his little man parts...I was glad because now I have a big brother for any other little ones I have...
Brad, on the other hand, was a little disappointed not to get his little girl but was getting over when he decided he would share his middle name- hee hee. Now he is talking about everything he is going to do with the baby by the time he is 2 or 3... oh my!?!?!

In other news, we moved into our house this past weekend. I love it and am not missing our apartment in the least... okay, well a little bit for the simple fact that things were in place in the apartment and now there is still so many things strewn about willy nilly that it is going to drive me crazy... and for who knows how long until I am able to buy the furniture we need to put some of it away. Oh well. I am giving it a couple of weeks and hopefully by then I will feel a bit more adjusted!!!

I will post baby's first pic when I get a chance!!!

It Has Been TOOOO Long!?!?!

2006-03-06T08:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, so here is my update... haven't lost any weight, as a matter of fact, I have gained about 10 pounds. I am not sweating it though... why? you ask...

Oh yeah, Brad and I are expecting our wedding baby at the end of this July :-) You want to talk about surprises?!?!?! This little one certainly surprised the both of us, but now we couldn't be more excited! We don't know yet if it is a boy or a girl but will (hopefully) find out one week from today so long as the little munchkin (my nickname for the baby) cooperates! And let me tell you, I cannot wait.

So, the first three months were torture... I had morning sickness every single day- I mean throwing up every morning within 5-15 minutes of getting up; and then had nauseousness off and on for the rest of the day. So, do you think that helped with the outrageous fatigue I was feeling? Heck no, I was lucky to make it through the whole day of work! I am so happy now to be well into my second trimester...

And speaking of my second trimester, we are now into week 20! That means we are halfway through, and I am loving it. They aren't kidding when they say this is the honeymoon period. I haven't really been sick or nauseous, I have been feeling the munchkin moving around- as a matter of fact, he/she kicked me for the first time this Saturday, I have been keeping an eye on what I eat and watching my weight and according to the doc, things are looking good for me and my little one!!! So yippee skippee... we are well on our way!

On to other news; the hubby and I are also in the process of buying a house!!! Ugh, the idea of a mortgage is bad enough but right now I am still trying to get past the closing costs... yucky. But by this time, in a couple of weeks, we should be into our new home so I am looking forward to that. Not looking forward to the move, but still cannot wait... I can't believe we are going to be homeowners!!!

Work is work... looking forward to promotion/raise time to see what they are going to do for me. SO keep me in your prayers on that one; hopefully it will come out in my favor!

I was going to keep a separate blog to journal for the baby but this morning I decided why? Mine as well just post it here and then once the munchkin is here I will go back to my weight loss efforts... and the things is, I am really looking forward to it. I think, in part because I am so proud of how well I have been doing with my weight so far during the pregnancy, and I am looking forward to walking the baby around and getting some fresh air and exercise while I am on maternity leave, and so on... but I still have about 5 months until that point...

I am curious to hear how everyone else is doing...

Hellloooo

2005-11-22T10:05:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I have been attempting to get a post up here for the longest time but what with the wedding and then the honeymoon, well, time has absolutely flown by and now here we are only a couple of days from Thanksgiving! Whew!

Where to start?!?! The wedding was beautiful... November 5th and a sunny 70 degrees... up here in the Northeast that is not normal but we took it :-) The fall leaves were at their peak and the weather was gorgeous and the church was set up for a candlelight ceremony. What more could a bride ask for??? I can't say the reception went off without a hitch as our Dj cancelled out that day- ugh- but whatever, it was still great and I had all of the music we needed for the different dances :-)

Now, as for the honeymoon, that is a whole other story. We went on a cruise in the caribbean! It was beautiful, this ship was gorgeous and, of course, there was soooo much food. I will admit now to gaining something like 10 pounds. I think my body was just overwhelmed by all of the good food I was giving it and just sucked it all in. I mean, I think we ate probably four meals a day. It was so good and I would say I was disappointed in that but it was my honeymoon and I enjoyed myself. Now, though, I have to get my big butt back on track and lose that weight plus the rest of those pounds I have been out to get.

I think I am weighing in somewhere between 210 and 215... ugh. SO I am hoping by Christmas to be a steady 205 (at least) and then go from there. I have to remind myself and make the conscious effort that eating is not a hobby. I have noticed that I like to eat when I am bored- yay for me, a revelation. So I am going to start paying more attention to that and when I do want food- notice I did not say when I am hungry, big difference- I will analyze more of what my environment and such is like. Am I bored, or stressed, or is something else going on where I feel the need for food; and why food? Hopefully by working on that and also realizing that I can be better prepared with snacks and such for when I am hungry instead of thinking about what is downstairs in the vending machine- ahh!

Anyhoo- that is where things are now and I will post some pics of the wedding and so on when we actually get some to post.

Hmm, I feel better already with just the fact that I have put some kind of plan down on paper (so to speak).

Cheers!

Oh My!?!?!

2005-10-20T07:03:00.000-05:00

How could I have let over a week go by without even a whisper? Easy. Last week flew by so fast that I hardly knew it came or went. It wasn't a good week all around. I am usually the type of person who will not even hate a whole day, hate a moment sure but not a whole day, call it the optimist in me. Well, I hated most of last week... and I am referring to the whole week!!! How do you like them apples?

I was stressed, upset about a lot of things and thereby had hardly any appetite. I don't know if that necessarily worked in my favor or not but I do know it made that time of the month come about a week ahead of time... I am not complaining as now I can fairly sure the darn thing will not show up at the wedding or while I am on the honeymoon. Unfortunately, due to my early visitor, I did not even attempt to weigh myself this week. My clothes are still fitting the same, I daresay even a bit looser.

My big accomplishment even if these past days haven't been the best... since last Friday I have gotten in some form of exercise four days!!! Some really good walks lasting at least a half an hour on Friday and Saturday, worked out on the Gazelle on Tuesday (which is an accomplishment in itself because I had spent the whole night doing some major housework and didn't feel like doing it all; so after climbing on to the machine decided I would only do 15 minutes, then 20 minutes and finally I decided to do the whole 30 minutes), walked while I was at work on Wednesday!!! So yippe skippee for me :-)

Eating hasn't been too shabby either... my treat for the week, two things: sugar-free cherry Jell-O with pineapple chunks in it and mint chocolate chip ice cream from Edy's... it is made with Splenda and it is terrific (I only had some one night). My other meals have varied but I must be doing something right because my portion sizes are smaller yet still filling me up!!!

15 days until the wedding... I am certainly not worried about fitting into the gown and looking more and more forward to the day!!!

It's Been So Long

2005-10-11T09:52:00.000-05:00

I cannot get over how time is flying by... what a slacker I have been. I am feeling like updating on the past week and then moving on to where I plan on going (borrowing some thoughts from Renee). This could turn out to be a very long entry or perhaps I will divide into two and will finish tonight (I have a stronger feeling that this is what will result).

On to the update!
Not a clue as to how much I weigh at the moment. I haven't stepped on the scale in I don't know how many days nor have I thought of it. Haven't really had any chocolate since last week and haven't had much of an appetite either.

As for my goals (considering I kept the same ones):
Goal 1: I will work out three times by next Friday for at least half an hour (like I said, baby steps)
Unfortunately I did not make my goal of three workouts. I only made it to two and I am disappointed about that I and I am not off to a good start for this week either. I am working on it though and know that something is changing as I look forward to working out and I feel great once I am done!

Goal 2: Continue with my fruits and veggies for snacks but also attempt to cut down on carbs and empty calories a bit more... (I don't typically drink sodas and such but have them once in a while so I will stay away from them, juices, and candy/chocolate)
I recall having some chocolate last week but didn't even snack too much. I did eat some applesauce which was quite yummy and I had a good stock of bananas! This week my appetite is less than it was last week so haven't been thinking too much on snacking.

Goal 3: Maintain the 5 pound weight loss.
As I said I have yet to check my weight but when I do I am hoping that those extra pounds have stayed away!!!

I have found that this weight loss journey has, by far, become more of an internal challenege than I first expected. I do not mean that I am surprised by the struggles and obstacles that I will be facing and have faced but I mean more of the feelings and introspectiveness that have started to occur. Maybe I am just at that point in my life where I am looking at things differently or maybe my weightloss journey is more soulful than I anticipated. I am not complaining and I know that every accomplishment will mean that much more to me!

I am definitely dividing this post up and finishing later on this evening. So, on a final note (at least for the moment) I noticed a quote hear at work today on the InfoTV:

"Things turn out best for those that make the best of the way things turn out."
-Art Linkletter

What A Weekend!

2005-10-03T13:28:00.000-05:00

And I don't mean that in a good way either... UGH!

Let's just say that I didn't really eat over my calories or anything but that I did eat too much of the bad things... McDonald's, Dairy Queen and Domino's Pizza... Now granted, the McD's and DQ were in the same day and they are all I ate, so I really did stay within range for everything but that still wasn't the best food picks. And then Sunday wasn't too bad with the pizza but I am disappointed in myself when I look at everything I ate; it wasn't a lot but I know that I definitely could have gone with some better eating options, I just didn't want to.

On a better note, not only did I work out Friday morning but I got in a good workout on Saturday morning also. I didn't work out yesterday but have full intentions of doing so today... we shall see. When I exercise, my body usually shows some kind of results almost immediately... and I can honestly say that I already feel stronger and better and things are starting to feel tighter. I now need to get out to the store in order to get measuring tape so I can keep track of inches lost!!!

Anyhoo- usually I will post an inspirational quote or something to get me motivated... well this time I am posting a link to Oprah.com. At this link is a video/weight loss success story gallery of some folks who have overcome tremendous weights in order to get healthy and improve their overall quality a life. I highly recommend taking a peek if you're looking for some inspiration:
http://www2.oprah.com/health/weight/health_weight_stories.jhtml

Whew! A Whole Week!!!

2005-09-30T09:20:00.000-05:00

I cannot get over the fact that it truly has been a whole week since I have posted here... I know I had intentions to do so at least three or four times but apparently that did not come to fruition now did it!?!?!

Anyways, a lot of fun stuff I have to update on!
First, the five punds lost is totally real!!! YAHOO!!! I waited until this week to weigh in at home and at work, and lo and behold, both scales showed the loss!!! I am way pumped and definitely ready for another week...

My eating wasn't quite up to snuff but to be honest I have not really been that hungry. But when I did eat it was pretty good... I will admit to having hot dogs the other night for dinner but I have been wanting them for a couple of weeks and they sure did hit the spot, plus I did not eat lunch (bad, I know) so I had the room in my diet for the day.

Let me update on my goals for last Friday:
Goal 1: I will work out three times by next Friday for at least half an hour (like I said, baby steps)
I did work out three times this week, once out for a hard core walk and the other two times on my Gazelle!!!! I am so proud of myself for accomplishing this that I am excited to see if I can do it next week as well. The weather here has been gorgeous... fall has definitely arrived so I do believe a hike may be in order tomorrow... will have to see how the fiance is feeling when he gets home from work!

Goal 2: Continue with my fruits and veggies for snacks but also attempt to cut down on carbs and empty calories a bit more... (I don't typically drink sodas and such but have them once in a while so I will stay away from them, juices, and candy/chocolate)
Haven't had sodas or juice this week... so I guess it has been water, and I have had milk a couple of time with dinner. I did make brownies because I was supposed tohave my bridal party over and a girlfriend who will be doing the makeup for the wedding... turns out she couldn't make it and I was left with brownies but I have shown a lot of restraint I must say... Brad will end up eating most of them, no doubt. So I will admit to having had some chocolate this week but have been keeping an eye on it so that I haven't been going overboard or anything!

Goal 3: Maintain the 5 pound weight loss.
Consider it maintained!!! I guess this means I can move my weight loss tracker... although some part of me fears doing that in case I am jinxing myself or something. I have actually lost a little more than 5 pounds but I am not ready to accept that quite yet... I will be looking forward to what the scale says on Wednesday.

So it is the weekend yet again... I am already planning on having some pizza this week but other than that nothing spectactular or anything that will put my 5-pound loss in jeopardy... and with the idea of a nice half day (or so) hike on the horizon I am totally looking forward to it.

I am going to stick with the same goals as above and then change them once I have lost a couple of more pounds... with the wedding four weeks from tomorrow I know I will be concentrating on that a lot along with work being a busy, crazy place!!!

I think, if I find myself with a few extra dollars (yeah right) I am going to go out and get me some new workout clothes... we shall see but not only will I look cute but it will also be motivation...

Two more things and then I am out:
1- I am pumped because I am in an MSN group through the WebMD diet club and this week I am in the spotllight!!! That's cool...

2- I have been considering doing a (half-) marathon. Obviously I am in no shape to do one now but this is an interesting thing... it is called "Train to End Stroke" and the purpose is you sign up, designate a hero (a stroke victim or survivor) and you train with support of the American Stroke Association and then you get donations and end up running/walking, but completing a half or full marathon, in some exotic place... like Hawaii. My mom is a stroke survivor and so it would serve two purposes for me... to honor my mom and to get in shape. Hmm... I will put the link on the sidebar...

Well if that's not enough for one post I don't know what is...

Goal Update

2005-09-23T12:04:00.000-05:00

So, here I was this whole day thinking I had nothing to write about but I was wrong. Remembering the goals I posted last Friday with the promise of updating how I did with them this Friday and also revising or making new goals... Perhaps this is something that I should have been thinking about all week and not just occurring to me today.

Anyhoo, on to the update:
Goal 1: I will work out three times by next Friday for at least half an hour (like I said, baby steps)
I did NOT work out three times by today- shame on me. I think I got to maybe one workout and if I have to think about it, it must not have been the memorable or good of a workout. Will have to work on this one... *** please see yesterday's post ***
Goal 2: I will also cut out any snacking during the week aside from fruits and vegetables; no chocolate or other candy
I did fairly well with this one. I did have Rita's water ice on Saturday night and had chocolate yesterday (sorry, it is that time of the month and everything- ugh) but aside from that I can't recall where I really strayed from this one!!!
Goal 3: And lose 3 pounds... hmm. Should be interesting considering it is the week before that time of the month!
Well, as of Wednesday morning the scale was hovering at 200 pounds which would mean a solid 5 pound loss... alas we shall confirm this coming Wednesday I hope!

Now, with that said I am going to attempt to revise and update my goals:
Goal 1: I will work out three times by next Friday for at least half an hour (like I said, baby steps)
Goal 2: Continue with my fruits and veggies for snacks but also attempt to cut down on carbs and empty calories a bit more... (I don't typically drink sodas and such but have them once in a while so I will stay away from them, juices, and candy/chocolate)
Goal 3: Maintain the 5 pound weight loss.

Onto other news... so proud of myself today. I asked Brad if he wanted me to meet him for lunch and he said he would and then later this morning requested McDonald's... mmm. I will admit it has been a good while since he and I have treated ourselves to some McD's... and I could have really gone for a big ole sloppy Big Mac with some fries and a big coke... but no. I did instead go with the crispy chicken caesar salad... crispy instead of grilled, I know, isn't the best choice I could have made but it is so good!!! Ah well, it was good although I think I still would have preferred the Big Mac but I know that later on there would have been regret... ahhh.

Now for the weekend... going to a family outing at the smorgasbord tomorrow for lunch. What do y'all think of that?!?!? It won't be so bad though, I typically fill up on salad first anyway so I am looking forward to it! The rest of the weekend should be smooth sailing... will fill you in as to how it goes on Monday.

Some more thoughts...

2005-09-22T08:10:00.000-05:00

So I have been thinking more about exercising... I don't know why I cannot get my butt in gear enough to get some exercise. I know for a fact, from past experience, that there is always time for exercise. My reasoning behind this logic is two-fold: 1) When one is sitting there on their butts watching TV or playing on the computer, they could very well be doing something fantastic in terms of health! On the same note, I always fit in at least an hour and a half of exercise while in college, working two jobs, full course schedule and too many extracurricular activies to count. 2) My other point is that if you find the time to get in a good workout you more than likely will find renewed energy and strength and be able to tackle whatever had to be set on a side burner in order to fit in the exercise.
SO... with this logic, I am asking myself, why? I can tell you the TV shows I have watched every night this week... I happen to have a Gazelle- lovely machine those things are- and yet, it sits against the wall while I sit and watch my CSI or some such thing. Now, after asking my self why? I tell myself there is no excuse. I am looking at this as an "A-HA" moment and am sharing it with you as it dawns on me... NO excuses... no logic behind excuses...

I will act now. I will act now. I will act now. Henceforth, I will repeat these words each hour, each day, everyday, until the words become as much a habit as my breathing, and the action which follows becomes as instinctive as the blinking of my eyelids. With these words I can condition my mind to perform every action necessary for my success. I will act now. I will repeat these words again and again and again. I will walk where failures fear to walk. I will work when failures seek rest. I will act now for now is all I have. Tomorrow is the day reserved for the labor of the lazy. I am not lazy. Tomorrow is the day when the failure will succeed. I am not a failure. I will act now. Success will not wait. If I delay, success will become wed to another and lost to me forever. This is the time. This is the place. I am the person!! ~ Og Mandino

Update...

2005-09-21T13:43:00.000-05:00

So I can't believe I haven't gotten the time or the chance to get anything on here before today... Ah well. Work is busy, wedding planning is taking up time and then there is this silly little thing called like that seems to be constantly calling for my attention... go figure!

Anyhoo, update on the weight loss. It happened to be later in the evening, what I like to refer to as bedtime, when I was in the bathroom and decided to step on to the scale- very uncharacteristic of me as I am certainly a do-it-in-the-morning type of gal, no sense in bringing myself down- and see where the number was. Turns out it was hovering right around 200... NO KIDDING!!! I am looking at it like what the heck?!?!? Ran in and told Brad that although it is the end of the day and practically that time of the month, it seems as though I have lost at least 5 pounds!!!! I then stated that I would wait and see until this morning if it was actually the same number or not... and you know what, by golly it was!!! Now what do you think of that?!?!? Doesn't make too much sense to me especially because the scale here at work hasn't really changes; I have decided that I need to get a new scale and if we do not get the one we registered for for the wedding then I am going out and getting me one!!! Period :-)

On to other fun things, my eating has been pretty good if I do say so myself. I am most proud of my Sunday- football day- eating. Instead of our typical pepperoni, cheese, and cracker tray that we like to have we instead had a small veggie tray with carrots, cucumbers, peppers and broccoli and also tostitos with salsa... and then for dinner we had kabobs with chicken, marinated beef, peppers (red & green), onions and mushrooms!! MM good... we also had corn on the cob which I will admittedly declare that I tore up!!! Git-R-Done! It was so good.... I swear those Amish are magicians when it comes to produce.

My portion sizes have been shrinking, I've notice. Not a bad thing nor am I complaining, I am actually really excited about it because, as I have mentioned before, that is one of my biggest trouble spots.

Oh well, I ought to get back to work...

Another Friday...

2005-09-16T08:57:00.000-05:00

How is everyone doing out there? Glad it is Friday... I know I am.

So a little update on my whole little weight loss trip... I think I got lost on a side road or something. I have been eating fairly well, although I am not entirely sure as I have not been tracking my foods (mistake #1); I have been eating chocolate, I just can't stop myself (mistake #2); not exercising as much as I could and should be (mistake #3), and so on.So here, let's edit the preceding sentence together, replace the word mistake with the word lesson... there, I feel better now!

Moving on... I have decided to go baby steps and set little goals for myself; presently I think my weight is hovering somewhere between 205-210 and I know it is not going to get to 200 all by myself, that is where I come in. I am going to attempt to make weekly goals for myself every Friday of which I will report out on the following Friday and make new ones depending on my result. Whew- did that sentence make sense?

So I am going to start small, and dare I say, a bit easy:
1. I will work out three times by next Friday for at least half an hour (like I said, baby steps)
2. I will also cut out any snacking during the week aside from fruits and vegetables; no chocolate or other candy
3. And lose 3 pounds... hmm. Should be interesting considering it is the week before that time of the month!

So, with those few and small goals made I am looking forward to next week and a healthier me...

Have an awesome weekend!

The 100 Acre Personality Quiz

2005-09-15T06:45:00.000-05:00

Well, I got the quiz of Becky's site... it looks like I fall in with 25% of folks who have also taken the quiz. I would say it has me pretty much pinned though!!!

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

Fittings & Posts

2005-09-13T19:00:00.000-05:00

I had my wedding dress fitting yesterday... I already knew the dress was too big but the damn thing was falling off of me yesterday; I am blaming my weight loss on the price of the alterations... if Brad ever knew how much the alterations alone cost he would kill me!!! It did feel good though, I will admit, that the dress was so loose.
I even got complimented yesterday on my weight loss by one of the supervisors at my plant... I am still trying to decide if he was sincere or just buttering me up. But whatever, a compliment is a compliment and I am going to take it gracefully and roll with it.

Now on to my post; a little background: I am a member of the WEBMD chat board Dieting Club: 50-100 pounds and usually make it to the board at least once daily to check out the posts and even add a few of my own; it is a great support system. Okay, now that the promo is done, I happened to be checking out the board this evening when I saw a post from a 16-yr old gal who stated she was overweight and ready to change (after saying she was tired of being overweight, stared at and made fun of)... long story short it broke my heart and this was my response to her:
Hi [her name here] and welcome to the board!
First let me say I know how you feel; here I am 5'7" and around 205 but I also remember being a teenager and weighing at least 40 pounds more... luckily my body holds it well but that still doesn't mean I wasn't uncomfortable in my own skin or didn't feel out of place in a lot of situations.
Second I would love to applaud you on wanting to do something about it now and actually looking for the resources to get you there... I knew I was way overweight- fat even - and yes, I was active to an extent but it certainly didn't stop me from eating chocolate, chips and other bad-for-you food that you can think of!!!
I lost a lot of weight while in college and part of the weightloss was attained the right way while the other part was lost in a not-so-good way. I am now losing every pound the right way and the way that works best for me... here goes and hopefully this may help you out some:
I have to watch my portion sizes!!! That is one of the biggest things... I love either a full plate or seconds... mmm! One of the biggest things for me is realizing that I am full before I am stuffed- ugh.
Cutting out the bad-for-you snacks... I consider chocolate another food group and could eat it at the drop of a dime, 7 am... whenever. I love chips and stuff too... but they're not worth it.
I count calories because it is good for me to see how much (or how little if you can believe that) I am eating and then I adjust if I need to.
I also journal my foods (fitday.com)... same as calories, it is good for me to see what I am eating.
So those are some of my tips...
Good luck to you
Tiff

So that was my post... I hope it helps her out cause I think in a way it helped me. I remember some of what my feelings were when I was younger (and heavier) and less confident in the person I am (despite my extra weight) but it also is one of the first times that I have actually written down the tips that help me lose weight...

That's all I've got for now!!!

I Wonder...

2005-09-10T15:03:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I was thinking about it and I am wondering about things that will likely change wby the time I reach my goal... not too deep of thinking, just simply the changes with my body and overall appearance. Here goes:

I wonder what my face will look like... will it change? become thinner perhaps? will my eyes look bigger than they already do?
What about my boobs? They stayed big the last time I lost weight and so far they haven't gone anywhere yet... I wonder if they will be big when I am around 150-160... (part of me hopes so)
My BUTT!!! I have a generous bottom... I realize that it will not be quite so large and in charge but still having a nice rounded bottom wouldn't be such a bad thing.
And finally my thighs... I wonder what they will do. What will it be like to not have them be so big???
Overall I think I am wondering how I will feel in my own skin when I reach my goal weight... will I like the way I feel? Will I feel different? Will it feel marvelous? Will I want to flaunt it? So many questions about what it will feel like...

Oh well, that is just what happens to be on my mind today... quite randomly.

I had better get back to wedding stuff... we have to get the invites ready and so forth.
BTW: My dress fitting is on Monday and I am so pumped!!!

Today Could Be Tricky

2005-09-09T04:55:00.000-05:00

Soo, on Fridays I usually work from home. Why? you ask; because my work is 60 miles from my home one-way and gas prices are out of this world! It is nice because one doesn't realize how much a two and a half hour (total) commute a day can drain a person... so, I work from home on Fridays.

Anyway. Working from home can make things difficult as far as eating goes but simpler in the way that I can usually fit in a good exercise (if I get my butt motivated, that is) just because I am home and then have the time. I haven't been too hungry this whole week but have been having cravings which has been a pain in my derierre... I have been wanting chocolate and ice cream in the worst ways and chocolate ice cream happens to be the best solution. Ironically, I grew up not having snack until 8 pm in the evening, well after dinner and now I do not usually eat until around 7 pm (please see above explanation of commute) and by then I am tired and ready to watch some TV but not hungry enough for ice cream... the ironic part (back to my point) is that I do happen to have some chocolate ice cream in the freezer that I haven't touched since either Sunday or Monday!

I am curious how this weekend will be for me eating... I am not too worried about it as I don't really foresee us eating out this weekend. I do have to go to the grocery store and I am hoping to make it to the orchard for some end of season fruit and corn- I just can't help myself as I love corn on the cob when it is in season, other than that I hardly ever eat it. I know we are planning on grilling some Kabobs and that would go well with my corn. I also need to remember while shopping to purchase yummy stuff for my snacks for next week cause if I don't do that it is a pretty sure sign that not only will I cheat but somewhere in there I will likey start falling off the wagon; and we can't have that as I would hate to have to confess it here. Ugh.

Anyhoo- here's to hoping it will be a great weekend all around; eating-wise and everything else!!!

New Stuff

2005-09-07T09:56:00.000-05:00

I'd like to call your attention to a coupe of new links on the sidebar... first I added a few links to some other folks who are on their own weight loss journeys- consider it inspiration if you will;I also added a few tools that are helpful...

Speaking of, on of the tools happens to be the BMI calculator... So I calculated my current BMI and it is a whopping 32!!!! This puts me at the bottom of the obesity scale! Ugh. Obesity is a score of 30 or greater, overweight is a score of 25-29 and so on. Sooo, right now I am striving to just be overweight. Does that sound awful? The, kind of, silver lining is that at my starting weight my BMI was 37... so at least I have improved 5 points. Another 5 points from my current score and I will just be overweight!!!
On the same note, I also did the calorie calculator and it was no surprise when it told me that I should be eating 2000 calories in order to lose weight... I knew that because I had done the calculator on WebMD... presently I shoot for eating around 1600 calories and if I get up to 1800 calories that's okay with me. Ahh.

This is feeling like a never ending song sometimes. It's like I lose a few pounds and somewhere in the deep, dark depths of my brain I feel like I am allowed to have some type of reward and it is typically in the form of food; probably not the best approach if I am trying to lose weight. I know, shame on me. And this is even after I have developed a rewards list for myself. It doesn't matter right now anyway as I have no money to reward myself. Ugh.

I am starting to be able to picture myself thinner and "they" say a lot of it is mind over matter... so if I picture it, it will come (so to speak). We shall see... I did get in a good walk last night and am hoping to get in another at some point today or this evening.

Another day

2005-09-06T12:14:00.000-05:00

So I made it through the holiday weekend farely unscathed... at least as far as I can tell. I did enjoy some yummy BBQ but not too much nor did I eat much of anything else, I think I averaged a meal a day. I didn't necessarily choose to eat one meal a day but I guess that was all I was hungry for.

Today, aside from the few pieces of chocolate I have eaten, I had some yogurt, popcorn and a Lean Cuisine. I am feeling good and not too bloated so I can't wait to see what the weigh-in will look like tomorrow. We shall see I suppose! I think I will be disappointed if it turns out that I gained weight as it felt so good last week to see such an awesome loss but I am not getting my hopes up (at least not too high).

I have decided at some point I am going to have to start posting some before and after pics... I don't know if there is much of a difference to see now or not but if I keep going the way I am I am sure there will be something to see. I have also decided that my first post of the week will include something inspirational... good way to start off the week if you know what I mean! It can't hurt right?

Inspiration for the week:
An article from WebMD on obesity, losing weight and sex!!! Enjoy!

http://my.webmd.com/content/article/102/106815.htm

Real Quick...

2005-09-02T13:31:00.000-05:00

Okay so I am actually getting ready to go up to the fiance's parents' house for the weekend... to return sometime late Sunday afternoon!

I hardly ate anything yesterday, a yogurt for breakfast and watermelon for lunch, so when I finally had dinner it was the Big Mac extra value meal from McDonald's... I wouldn't recommend this diet to anyone. Nor would I recommend eating McDonald's, period, after not having had fast food for an extended amount of time... it does some crazy things to one's stomach as both Brad and I found out last night.

I am hoping that I can keep the eating in check for the weekend... I am anticipating beer upon our return- all of those empty calories- but whatever. Bring on the BBQ and beverage... I have found that if I am paying attention I am still able to keep my cals reasonable.

So have an awesome weekend and here's to Labor Day and a three-day weekend!!! Woohoo

Drumroll Please!

2005-09-01T08:50:00.000-05:00

So... I usually weigh in on my scale at home, as I am there every day and can just hop in the morning- naked- and get a reading... but every Wednesday I will also get onto the scale at work and, even though the numbers are different the losses and gains are the same. It just so happens that I remembered to get on there yesterday, late morning, and.... ready for this.... 6 1/2 pounds gone!!! IN ONE WEEK!!! Now I am positive that when I cut out my snacky foods, chocolate, and watch my portion sizes things really do happen... I guess those doctors and fitness people do have some clue as to what they are talking about!!! Hee hee

On another note, I thought I had a great idea for a stuffed animal and money drive here at work... but alas, after checking out the American Red Cross site I have found that little local drives usually end up costing more money than actually helping. So I guess I will stick with my original plan of donating some money and blood (although in my world they are practically one in the same, you know what I mean?!?!)! I wish there were more I could do...

Exercise Anyone???

2005-08-30T13:14:00.000-05:00

Someone posted this article on the WebMD page... I liked this paragraph:

So where do you start? If you want to maintain a physical exercise program indefinitely, you first need to make a higher connection with your mind and the overall workout experience. What stimulates you innately to want to stay fit? Once you’ve reassessed what really motivates you, then you can evaluate your fitness preferences with a fresh perspective. (for the full article, here is the link: http://articles.health.msn.com/id/100108346 )

Sooo... that must be my problem... I have not made that higher connection with my mind and I am therefore, not stimulted to stay fit!!! Okay, now on to (re-) assessing what really motivate me and what are my fitness preferences... hmm!

I am not making fun of the article nor the fact that my exercise routine is non-existant... I am just trying to make light of it is all. I really enjoyed the article and would recommend it; basically I have to find out, like I said before, what motivates me and then move on to exercise I will enjoy, will not be boring, and what I will get satisfaction out of!!! The artical in and of itself is kind of motivational...

So It's Monday...

2005-08-29T12:28:00.000-05:00

Ugh. I have decided that I do not particularly care for Mondays... News?!? you say sarcastically... well for me, yes, it actually is. I usually love any day, it doesn't matter if it comes at the beginning of the week or at the end, but the last few Mondays have not been especially inspiring nor memorable for me. Ugh.

So I think this weekend went pretty well eating-wise. I didn't really overdo it anywhere that I can think of. I did eat quite a bit of pizza but I didn't eat much else so, granted it probably wasn't the best of choices food-wise, but in the whole caloric scheme of things I think it worked!

I am down a couple of more pounds but I am not making it official until my period is good and done!!! But I think it is looking like Onederland is on the horizon!! Yippee skippe :-)

I am also proud of myself because we went grocery shopping yesterday and I got so much fruit that I am set for the week... Today I had a yogurt for breakfast, I half a pear on my way into work, a salad for lunch and I have watermelon here at work and at home if I feel like snacking. I am not even hungry though... not sure yet what I am going to have for dinner tonight but hopefully it should be good.

One more thing, I was in the store looking at the Healthy Choice entrees because they were 50% off, now I am a die hard Lean Cuisine fan when it comes to healthy frozen meals and now I know why!! There wasn't nearly the assortment that Lean Cuisine has and Healthy Choice's entrees did not seem as healthy... maybe that is just my take on it but eww- I didn't buy any of them and figured I would wait for Lean Cuisine to come on sale again and then stock up!!!

Oh well, I am hoping to convince the fiance to head out on a walk with me this evening and get in some exercise that I have been so sorely lacking... good luck to me!!!

Who lost 5 pounds?!?!

2005-08-26T12:38:00.000-05:00

It's me!!! It's me!!!

I am totally pumped today because I got on the scale, more than once just to be sure, and found that, YES! it read I had lost 5 pounds. Well, it is about time I said to myself after too long of just feeling sorry and disappointed in and for myself for having gained back weight to begin with, this is no one's fault but my own. But today, sweet victory! LOL And I get to change my ticker...

Now it is on to the weekend... I am hoping I will be able to get out there and get some exercise in or something to get off some more of these pounds.

And I just thought of something else... it is a few days before that Time of the Month (TOM) and I am probably retaining water and weighing a few pounds more than my actual weigh... even better!!! And I have now also realized that I am only a few pounds into Onederland- duh duh duh- and then it is all down here from there baby. (Well maybe not quite all down hill but I will certainly be further along than I am now)!

On a side note: I am having a hack of a time trying to get my picture to post onto the blog... it is not an actual pic of me but still a pic I would like to have on my profile... ugh.

Chocolate For Breakfast?!?

2005-08-24T06:50:00.000-05:00

So I got to work sometime before 6:30 (and this is with over an hour long commute) and so far this morning I have had a couple of pieces of Dove dark chocolates... mmm, they are so good but probably not the best choice a) for breakfast & b) for weight loss. Alas, they have made me happy though! I do have an apple with me and a yogurt for breakfast so I am in the midst of switching from the chocolate (which, in my opinion, is its own food group) to the healthier foods that I have neglected all morning!!!

I did okay with my eating yesterday but my willpower waned as the day went on and I ended up having some italian hoagie, a tootsie roll and a small cup of Pepsi... I just couldn't stop myself. But in my defense (sort of) I have declined an offer of doughnuts two days in a row... of course I am definitely more about the candy than I am baked goods, which could work for me or against me.

I am hoping to get outside and get some exercise in tonight as I know it will be gorgeous outside... oh yes! I will definitely get out there and get something done, not that I haven't just made a list of things I want to do when I get home, I neglected to include exercise and it just so happens that everything else I have to do I must physically be in my apartment to complete... oh such is life!

So my frame of mind today is that if all of these other folks can be successful at losing weight than I can too... right?!?!

I disappoint myself when I see folks on my weightloss board losing more weight than I have and they have started after me... of course they deserve it though because they have been working much harder for it than I; again, you can see where I disappoint myself. Hmm... something to ponder for the moment I suppose.

First Things First

2005-08-23T08:46:00.000-05:00

So I am finally getting to my first post and personally I think it is about time...

I don't know what I have been waiting for or why I am suddenly in the mood to post now but I suppose that is neither here nor there. I wrote on my WedMD chat today how discouraged I was feeling about my little weight loss endeavors... I mean my goodness, I started off so well at the beginning of the year and now... nada! As a matter of fact I am actually going backwards; so as of this week I am putting a halt to that!

Right now I would like to think that I am weighing in at around 210... it could very well be more than that but I am going with 210. When I first started this whole thing in January I was at 236, so yeah, I may be about 25 punds lighter but considering I lost that in the first 3 months I have really been slacking. I would like to be under 200 by my upcoming wedding... we shall see I suppose. That is my goal for now... it doesn't sound too difficult considering I have 2 months to go but I am also 8 months into my journey have only lost 25 pounds which equals about 3 pounds a month, so at this rate I would maybe be 6 pounds lighter by the wedding... Again, I want to be in Onderland by the end of October!!!

I am feeling pretty strong this week and excited about things but I also know that is going to be tough... I have some of the strongest cravings, especially when it comes chocolate- that would be my downfall!!!

I also have to work on getting some exercise into my routine... not only will it help with my weight loss progress but it will also help me feel better about myself and my body!!!

*** Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living. ~Anais Nin